07-23-2004, 07:13 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today the world will revolve around you. The initial shift in gravitation pulls will cause some minor accidents. Plus your compass will stop working
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Put that down! Put it down!!! You don't know where that's been.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will be of two minds today. They will both want the chocolate ice-cream
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You're internet girlfriend will dump you today when you finally talk her into phone sex and you say "lol" on the phone.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Not a good day. Stay inside.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Your plan to open your own bank so you can rob it in a daring inside job and flee to Mexico will run into problems when no one signs up at your bank. Consider a free toaster to each new customer.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will be unable to open a jar of baby food today. People will snicker.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will be unable to find a bathroom today after eating at that "new" mexican restuarant. Take a change of pants with you.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will get your very own stalker. Unfortunately she will be hit by a bus.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Your application to switch Zodiac signs will be denied today. Looks like your stuck.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will lose all credibility when you are caught listening to Bon Jovi. You will try to play it off as a random song on a radio station, but
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will try to count the number of times you've said "I told you so". No one really cares.
Today the world will revolve around you. The initial shift in gravitation pulls will cause some minor accidents. Plus your compass will stop working
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Put that down! Put it down!!! You don't know where that's been.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will be of two minds today. They will both want the chocolate ice-cream
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You're internet girlfriend will dump you today when you finally talk her into phone sex and you say "lol" on the phone.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Not a good day. Stay inside.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Your plan to open your own bank so you can rob it in a daring inside job and flee to Mexico will run into problems when no one signs up at your bank. Consider a free toaster to each new customer.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will be unable to open a jar of baby food today. People will snicker.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will be unable to find a bathroom today after eating at that "new" mexican restuarant. Take a change of pants with you.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will get your very own stalker. Unfortunately she will be hit by a bus.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Your application to switch Zodiac signs will be denied today. Looks like your stuck.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will lose all credibility when you are caught listening to Bon Jovi. You will try to play it off as a random song on a radio station, but
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will try to count the number of times you've said "I told you so". No one really cares.
