03-29-2005, 07:00 PM
[indent][b]Aries (March 21 - April 19) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today is a good day to crash through the underbrush, making loud snorting sounds. Beware of poachers, however. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will see an ancient symbol appearing in the whorls of your fingerprints. That, combined with the dreams of apocalypse may make you worry. I wouldn't though -- it's just a vitamin B12 deficiency. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will develop a type of rubber overshoe that looks like dinosaur's feet. They will become wildly popular, after your appearance on the Letterman show. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will notice yet another large freshly-dug mound of dirt in your neighbor's back yard. It's probably nothing -- he probably just digs at night if he can't get to sleep. I know I do. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]To your chagrin and horror, you will find yourself humming along with "muzac" in the grocery store. It's the beginning of the long slow slide, I'm afraid. Next stop: collecting "nick nacks." [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will spend the day discussing whether the main problems in the world are due to ignorance or apathy. Personally, I don't know and I don't care. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Beware of rodents. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will give your lawyer a retainer today, which will only irritate her. She will patiently explain that that isn't the sort of retainer she'd meant. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Someone will stop you today, to ask directions. Tell them to take the second star to the right, and go straight on till morning. (I personally never ask for directions, since I find it's always much more effective to find someone who looks like they know where they're going, and follow them. I also always tell people that my name is "Svlad." It's something to do.) [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today will be one of those days when everything reminds you of wild hickory nuts. Tomorrow: everything reminds you of peach yogurt. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will be hired as a cook/housekeeper for 7 extremely short gentlemen, who all live together. Stay away from apples, for a while. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Unbeknownst to thee, thou art over-fond of archaic terms. Prithee, wouldst thou kindly desist? [/indent][/indent]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today is a good day to crash through the underbrush, making loud snorting sounds. Beware of poachers, however. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will see an ancient symbol appearing in the whorls of your fingerprints. That, combined with the dreams of apocalypse may make you worry. I wouldn't though -- it's just a vitamin B12 deficiency. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will develop a type of rubber overshoe that looks like dinosaur's feet. They will become wildly popular, after your appearance on the Letterman show. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will notice yet another large freshly-dug mound of dirt in your neighbor's back yard. It's probably nothing -- he probably just digs at night if he can't get to sleep. I know I do. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]To your chagrin and horror, you will find yourself humming along with "muzac" in the grocery store. It's the beginning of the long slow slide, I'm afraid. Next stop: collecting "nick nacks." [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will spend the day discussing whether the main problems in the world are due to ignorance or apathy. Personally, I don't know and I don't care. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Beware of rodents. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will give your lawyer a retainer today, which will only irritate her. She will patiently explain that that isn't the sort of retainer she'd meant. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Someone will stop you today, to ask directions. Tell them to take the second star to the right, and go straight on till morning. (I personally never ask for directions, since I find it's always much more effective to find someone who looks like they know where they're going, and follow them. I also always tell people that my name is "Svlad." It's something to do.) [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today will be one of those days when everything reminds you of wild hickory nuts. Tomorrow: everything reminds you of peach yogurt. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will be hired as a cook/housekeeper for 7 extremely short gentlemen, who all live together. Stay away from apples, for a while. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Unbeknownst to thee, thou art over-fond of archaic terms. Prithee, wouldst thou kindly desist? [/indent][/indent]