09-21-2004, 08:09 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
After spending days learning to simultaneously pat your head and rub your tummy, you will move on today to patting your head and rubbing someone else's tummy.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today's a good day for original thinking and bursts of creativity. Also, not a good day to wear flammable clothing.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
A man dressed like a giant shrimp will roar past you in an experimental hovercraft, today. (Again.)
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will have to take someone aside and gently explain that a "briefcase" is not actually for undergarments. Remember: you probably made a few silly mistakes yourself, when you were just starting out.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will discover a secret about the Spice Girls - most of them can't tell Cumin from Coriander. In fact, some of them are vague about whether Black and Red Pepper come from different types of plants. You will quite sensibly decide to avoid going to their place for dinner.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log again.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
People will stare at you today. Unknown to you, you are starting to look more and more like a large frog. A career in basketball may be in your future.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Beware of rodents.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Everyone you work with will bring Kim Chee for lunch, today. They're just doing it to be difficult.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Beware of clams, today.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Someone will ask you what you want to do this weekend. That may seem like a good time to say "What am I, psychic?" It's not, though.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day to sip tea. Remember to extend your pinkie!
After spending days learning to simultaneously pat your head and rub your tummy, you will move on today to patting your head and rubbing someone else's tummy.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today's a good day for original thinking and bursts of creativity. Also, not a good day to wear flammable clothing.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
A man dressed like a giant shrimp will roar past you in an experimental hovercraft, today. (Again.)
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will have to take someone aside and gently explain that a "briefcase" is not actually for undergarments. Remember: you probably made a few silly mistakes yourself, when you were just starting out.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will discover a secret about the Spice Girls - most of them can't tell Cumin from Coriander. In fact, some of them are vague about whether Black and Red Pepper come from different types of plants. You will quite sensibly decide to avoid going to their place for dinner.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log again.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
People will stare at you today. Unknown to you, you are starting to look more and more like a large frog. A career in basketball may be in your future.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Beware of rodents.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Everyone you work with will bring Kim Chee for lunch, today. They're just doing it to be difficult.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Beware of clams, today.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Someone will ask you what you want to do this weekend. That may seem like a good time to say "What am I, psychic?" It's not, though.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day to sip tea. Remember to extend your pinkie!
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