[Hambone]

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed
to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e.,
tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed
below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive,
dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring,
intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which
most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer
is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, shit-loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would
spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would
spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette
and a boat".

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up.

Questions usually along these lines...

WOMAN: Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

[Banana]

Five questions feared by women......
1. Do you smell that? :fart:
2. How many men have you slept with?
3. Does size matter?
4. Can I have a blow job?
5. Am I good in bed?