[asshat]

Not all girls may like these things, but I for one think its the way to go. So perhaps some of you amateur pussy eating guys can take some pointers from this post.

1. Shave your face right before getting it on. A rough beard does NOT feel good on the puss.

2. Once down there, don't dig right in.. kiss around the lips a bit and toy with your fingers for awhile.

3. Don't part the mounds with your whole face! Part them with your tongue and gently slide it up and down.

4. Work your way up to the clit and use circular motions to stimulate that oh so sensitive spot.

5. Don't be afaid to work the hole as well, you can tongue around the outside and or insert your tongue... but going in and out doesn't do too much.

6. You might try to suck on it like your giving it a hicky.

7. Don't give up if she hasn't came yet, try something NEW! If her legs are wrapped around you tight and shes moaning then you are obviously doing something right.

8. Reach up and feel on one of her titties, maybe tell her that she tastes really good and that you could eat her pussy all night.

9. Don't stop to wipe your face off on the bedspread, be thrilled that you are making her this wet. Try grabbing her ass cheeks and burying your head even further into her snatch.

10. This is the ultimate step, insert one finger into her pootie, and lick her clit like its never been licked before. This creates the most perfect, awesome, and intense orgasm ever. She will be begging you to eat her out every night.

[Blondie]

We have a winner...

[Dr. Lecter]

11. Make absolutely ZERO comments about the aroma, the scenery or the cellulite you have to work around.

12. Do not, under any circumstances put on a mining helmet, yodel, and imitate an echo.

13. Always remember to apologize profusely when you prematurely ejaculate while eating out your woman.

14. The words "Chooch", "cooter", and "hatchet wound" are not well received.

[Blueeyedwoman]

Asshat, your damn list made me hot.

[asshat]

16. Do not pick at her muff and put your fingers in your mouth like an ape eating bugs off its mate and say things like, "Shit, honey, I didn't know I's having crab salad tonight? You better run to the Piggly Wiggly and get me some ketchup"

[Fairiedust]

oh my.....

[Dr. Lecter]

17. Be patriotic. Gently suck the head of her clit, and deeply hum the National Anthem.

[Odysseus]

where's 15?

[Fairiedust]

15. Remember it's impolite to make spitting sounds when expelling stray pubic hair.

[Odysseus]

15. Remember it's impolite to make spitting sounds when expelling stray pubic hair.

*slowly raises hand* GUILTY!!! :$

[asshat]

18. If you come across a little cottage cheese, just lift it off with your tongue and inconspicuously wipe it off on her bedspread. Don't start yelling, "Gross, gross" and scratching your tongue with your fingers.

[Blueeyedwoman]

Okay after reading this now I've gone cold.

[Dr. Lecter]

19. Long Fingernails = BAAAAAD. She's already had her pap smear this months. Clip em.

20. When you cannot make her cum, ease the tension with humor. Rest your head on her pubic hair, look up at her and imitate Robert Bork. If she's shaved, place chin lower on her labia and imitate Kirk Douglas in "Spartacus"

[PurpleHaze]

1. Shave your face right before getting it on. A rough beard does NOT feel good on the puss.

Amen!

[cLaY]

20. When you cannot make her cum, ease the tension with humor. Rest your head on her pubic hair, look up at her and imitate Robert Bork. If she's shaved, place chin lower on her labia and imitate Kirk Douglas in "Spartacus"

RACK!

[Blondie]

13. Always remember to apologize profusely when you prematurely ejaculate while eating out your woman.

:eek:

[snarg]

you mean this ins't normal??

[Blondie]

you mean this ins't normal??

EDIT..um no.... :roll:

[asshat]

EDIT..um no.... :roll:

Snarg prematurely ejaculates when he walks down the pickle aisle at the A&P.

[snarg]

EDIT..um no.... :roll:

ok, thanks
i will try to remember
i wonder why none of the women told me this before
cratch: