09-20-2004, 06:07 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will discover that your manager was frequently taunted with a rubber chicken during his formative years. This will go a long ways towards explaining some of the things you'd been wondering about.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aide, and a revolving door.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Time to start looking for a new car. Try to find one with more personality, this time! (And less of a sense of humor.)
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will happen upon a prediction by Nostradamus which will scare the living daylights out of you. As well it should, although how a medieval seer foresaw your exact name is anybody's guess.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Unknown to you, people think you are a wimp - just because of your weak handshake. You need to get one of those hand exercisers, and use it constantly for a few months. Then, crush their little hands into pulp!
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to fidget.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Things haven't been going well for you lately, and you're sinking into a fairly ugly bit of self-pity. You merely need to count your blessings! (1) You've got a tremendous talent, which some day may be in demand, (2) You're almost normal -- LOTS of people have extra appendages, (3)...
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Say something completely ordinary, today, but follow it with "Get it?" and a big grin. For example, "I'm wearing shoes. Get it?" See who gets it. Avoid them.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This may be a good time to take up squid farming. Provided that you can figure out what type of hat to wear, that is.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
That new employee seems honest, and is a really hard worker - so who cares if she wants to wear a studded dog collar? You'll have to draw the line at butt sniffing, though.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Excellent day to shuffle your feet. Remember: it's OK to shuffle your feet or to shuffle your cards, but you should never shuffle your nose.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day for political intrigue and underhanded sneakiness. Try to wear something appropriate to the occasion.
You will discover that your manager was frequently taunted with a rubber chicken during his formative years. This will go a long ways towards explaining some of the things you'd been wondering about.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aide, and a revolving door.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Time to start looking for a new car. Try to find one with more personality, this time! (And less of a sense of humor.)
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will happen upon a prediction by Nostradamus which will scare the living daylights out of you. As well it should, although how a medieval seer foresaw your exact name is anybody's guess.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Unknown to you, people think you are a wimp - just because of your weak handshake. You need to get one of those hand exercisers, and use it constantly for a few months. Then, crush their little hands into pulp!
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to fidget.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Things haven't been going well for you lately, and you're sinking into a fairly ugly bit of self-pity. You merely need to count your blessings! (1) You've got a tremendous talent, which some day may be in demand, (2) You're almost normal -- LOTS of people have extra appendages, (3)...
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Say something completely ordinary, today, but follow it with "Get it?" and a big grin. For example, "I'm wearing shoes. Get it?" See who gets it. Avoid them.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This may be a good time to take up squid farming. Provided that you can figure out what type of hat to wear, that is.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
That new employee seems honest, and is a really hard worker - so who cares if she wants to wear a studded dog collar? You'll have to draw the line at butt sniffing, though.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Excellent day to shuffle your feet. Remember: it's OK to shuffle your feet or to shuffle your cards, but you should never shuffle your nose.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day for political intrigue and underhanded sneakiness. Try to wear something appropriate to the occasion.
