08-13-2004, 07:02 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will discover a hair growing in an odd place. Don't worry about it, unless the odd place is your eye.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Excellent day to dig a very big hole. If you pile the dirt up around the sides, and make huge "paw prints" around it, you can have some fun by phoning a TV station and telling them about the gigantic gopher
you saw.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Everyone around you will develop a strange fascination with Vlad The Impaler. This could be bad news.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Watch out for vines, today. Sometime's it's hard to tell the difference between a vine and a creeper, until it's too late.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Don't lose hope! Conditions like yours are painful and embarassing, but often clear up on their own.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Due to minor lymph-node infection, several dangerous toxins will shortly be released into your bloodstream. Not to worry. You'll survive, and the only permanent brain damage will involve an enthusiasm for polka music.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will discover a large deposit of gold, when you're out on a stroll. Unfortunately, wealth will not make you happy.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
That idea you've had rolling around in the back of your mind is about ready to go. If you leave it there much longer, it will start to decay - and there's nothing worse than a stinky mind.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
In the grocery store, you will see quite a few people with infants in their shopping carts. Try though you might, however, you will not be able to find the bin with the children. Perhaps they're sold out? Important Safety Tip: do not stop one of the women with an infant and ask her to show you where her baby came from.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will suddenly realise how sensuous pudding can be. This will mark a turning point in your life.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will use the phrase "hep-cat daddy-o" one too many times, and your friends will tie you to a chair, and gag you.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good time to be happy-go-lucky! You'll find that works out a lot better than the sad-go-accident-prone you've been trying.
Today you will discover a hair growing in an odd place. Don't worry about it, unless the odd place is your eye.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Excellent day to dig a very big hole. If you pile the dirt up around the sides, and make huge "paw prints" around it, you can have some fun by phoning a TV station and telling them about the gigantic gopher
you saw.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Everyone around you will develop a strange fascination with Vlad The Impaler. This could be bad news.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Watch out for vines, today. Sometime's it's hard to tell the difference between a vine and a creeper, until it's too late.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Don't lose hope! Conditions like yours are painful and embarassing, but often clear up on their own.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Due to minor lymph-node infection, several dangerous toxins will shortly be released into your bloodstream. Not to worry. You'll survive, and the only permanent brain damage will involve an enthusiasm for polka music.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will discover a large deposit of gold, when you're out on a stroll. Unfortunately, wealth will not make you happy.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
That idea you've had rolling around in the back of your mind is about ready to go. If you leave it there much longer, it will start to decay - and there's nothing worse than a stinky mind.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
In the grocery store, you will see quite a few people with infants in their shopping carts. Try though you might, however, you will not be able to find the bin with the children. Perhaps they're sold out? Important Safety Tip: do not stop one of the women with an infant and ask her to show you where her baby came from.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will suddenly realise how sensuous pudding can be. This will mark a turning point in your life.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will use the phrase "hep-cat daddy-o" one too many times, and your friends will tie you to a chair, and gag you.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good time to be happy-go-lucky! You'll find that works out a lot better than the sad-go-accident-prone you've been trying.
