08-10-2004, 06:00 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Good day to do crossword puzzles in the park. Life is short enough, without letting it get you all stressed out like that.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today will be Mexican Food day, for you. In fact, chances are better than 1 in 3 that someone will refer to you as "Frijole-breath" before the day is through.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good time to invest some time in self-improvement. Or if that seems too hard, you can always improve someone else. Oh sure, they may gripe about it at first, but they'll thank you later.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This is an excellent day to dare. Dare to eat a peach. Dare to wear your trousers rolled, and walk along the beach. Dare to be different. That sort of thing.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will be visited by creatures named Cthulhu, Nyarlathotep, Azathoth, Shub-Niggurath, Yog-Sothoth, Ithaqua, Tsathoggua, Dagon, and Bert. You will discover that all of them have atrocious table manners.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will be on your way downtown today, when you will be struck by an odd thought. Fortunately it will bounce harmlessly off you.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will spend today in a state of mild anxiety. Probably Ohio.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
A man with a large machine will enter your house, and make you totally miserable.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Go wild today! Try a different brand of ramen noodles -- or even go so far as to sprinkle a little chopped green onion over them!
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be hit on the head by a carton of yogurt today, which will not strike you as being the least bit funny at the time. Later, of course, you'll all have a good laugh about it.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will find yourself wondering why a shampoo that "tingles" would be better at preventing dandruff than one which doesn't. It's that sort of intellectual undertaking which has earned you your well-deserved reputation.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You are being followed by a man with an eye patch and a prosthetic limb. He, in turn, is being followed by a large reptile, which is making a ticking sound.
Good day to do crossword puzzles in the park. Life is short enough, without letting it get you all stressed out like that.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today will be Mexican Food day, for you. In fact, chances are better than 1 in 3 that someone will refer to you as "Frijole-breath" before the day is through.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good time to invest some time in self-improvement. Or if that seems too hard, you can always improve someone else. Oh sure, they may gripe about it at first, but they'll thank you later.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This is an excellent day to dare. Dare to eat a peach. Dare to wear your trousers rolled, and walk along the beach. Dare to be different. That sort of thing.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will be visited by creatures named Cthulhu, Nyarlathotep, Azathoth, Shub-Niggurath, Yog-Sothoth, Ithaqua, Tsathoggua, Dagon, and Bert. You will discover that all of them have atrocious table manners.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will be on your way downtown today, when you will be struck by an odd thought. Fortunately it will bounce harmlessly off you.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will spend today in a state of mild anxiety. Probably Ohio.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
A man with a large machine will enter your house, and make you totally miserable.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Go wild today! Try a different brand of ramen noodles -- or even go so far as to sprinkle a little chopped green onion over them!
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be hit on the head by a carton of yogurt today, which will not strike you as being the least bit funny at the time. Later, of course, you'll all have a good laugh about it.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will find yourself wondering why a shampoo that "tingles" would be better at preventing dandruff than one which doesn't. It's that sort of intellectual undertaking which has earned you your well-deserved reputation.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You are being followed by a man with an eye patch and a prosthetic limb. He, in turn, is being followed by a large reptile, which is making a ticking sound.
