08-26-2004, 07:26 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will spend another day surrounded by idiots, or perhaps by well meaning but simple folks, who will drone on and on until your smile becomes forced, and you will begin to look like a deranged rodent.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Once you're that far behind, there's really no way to get caught up. You might as well do something fun instead. You can tell them I told you it was ok.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will give your lawyer a retainer today, which will only irritate her. She will patiently explain that that isn't the sort of retainer she'd meant.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will unearth a small stone figurine, while digging in a garden. If you set it on your television and put a small bowl of fruit in front of it, those unsightly warts should clear up in a week or two.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will be plagued by feelings of inadequacy, and will have a feeling of ennui mixed with malaise. But don't let it get you down!
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you can have lots of fun by beaming at people, and telling them how fresh your brand of soap makes you feel. If that doesn't work, try explaining how your detergent gets your shirts their brightest.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today will be mostly OK, except that you'll learn to pay more attention in the future to the phrase "Careful, filling is hot!."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You need to be a bit more brusque, to cut down on your interruptions. Stay just this side of gruff, however - and make sure you don't stray into crustyness.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will discover that you have no real friends. Or at least, that they don't cast a shadow.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Secret society day, today. Don't join -- no matter how much you like the secret handshake. Also, good day to swear off pickles.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
What fun! You'll be called in to a special meeting at work soon, where someone will have a "pink slip." Sounds like party attire to me!
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You have exactly as much chance of having a decent day as you have of developing amazing telekinetic abilities that let you secretly give innocent passers-by a wedgie. Stay home. Breathe normally
You will spend another day surrounded by idiots, or perhaps by well meaning but simple folks, who will drone on and on until your smile becomes forced, and you will begin to look like a deranged rodent.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Once you're that far behind, there's really no way to get caught up. You might as well do something fun instead. You can tell them I told you it was ok.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will give your lawyer a retainer today, which will only irritate her. She will patiently explain that that isn't the sort of retainer she'd meant.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will unearth a small stone figurine, while digging in a garden. If you set it on your television and put a small bowl of fruit in front of it, those unsightly warts should clear up in a week or two.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will be plagued by feelings of inadequacy, and will have a feeling of ennui mixed with malaise. But don't let it get you down!
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you can have lots of fun by beaming at people, and telling them how fresh your brand of soap makes you feel. If that doesn't work, try explaining how your detergent gets your shirts their brightest.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today will be mostly OK, except that you'll learn to pay more attention in the future to the phrase "Careful, filling is hot!."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You need to be a bit more brusque, to cut down on your interruptions. Stay just this side of gruff, however - and make sure you don't stray into crustyness.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will discover that you have no real friends. Or at least, that they don't cast a shadow.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Secret society day, today. Don't join -- no matter how much you like the secret handshake. Also, good day to swear off pickles.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
What fun! You'll be called in to a special meeting at work soon, where someone will have a "pink slip." Sounds like party attire to me!
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You have exactly as much chance of having a decent day as you have of developing amazing telekinetic abilities that let you secretly give innocent passers-by a wedgie. Stay home. Breathe normally
