08-25-2004, 06:56 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will find solace, and it won't look at all like you expected.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will decide to change your life by taking up fishing. Unlike the average person, however, you will be "strictly bass." One must have standards, after all.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to appreciate the beauty and wonder of life, and to see how far you can spit. Other people may find that incongrous, but you'll see the inner truth, and it will set you free.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will join the political action group "Whiners For Peace", and will call up your senator's office and whine at them. Don't forget to sign up for the big "Pout Out" next month!
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will stack furniture in the bathtub, today. That's just the sort of thing you would do, your friends will say.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today will be a great day for bargains. For example, you'll find a really amazing price on a flame-thrower, at the Army surplus store. A flame-thrower is one of those rare things that really creates a lasting first impression -- so you should definitely get it.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Good day to curl up with a good book. Later, you will build a fort out of your furniture and some sheets, and shoot rubber bands at people.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will be on your way downtown today, when you will be struck by an odd thought. Fortunately it will bounce harmlessly off you.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will have more psychotronic energy today than usual. I recommend that you direct it towards the fridge. There's something alive in there.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Your next fortune cookie will say "See? We told you it taste like chicken!"
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
This is an excellent day to dare. Dare to eat a peach. Dare to wear your trousers rolled, and walk along the beach. Dare to be different. That sort of thing.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will have left-over lasagna for lunch. This is odd, because you don't remember the lasagna being made in the first place. Just one of those little mysteries that haunts you in life.
You will find solace, and it won't look at all like you expected.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will decide to change your life by taking up fishing. Unlike the average person, however, you will be "strictly bass." One must have standards, after all.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to appreciate the beauty and wonder of life, and to see how far you can spit. Other people may find that incongrous, but you'll see the inner truth, and it will set you free.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will join the political action group "Whiners For Peace", and will call up your senator's office and whine at them. Don't forget to sign up for the big "Pout Out" next month!
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will stack furniture in the bathtub, today. That's just the sort of thing you would do, your friends will say.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today will be a great day for bargains. For example, you'll find a really amazing price on a flame-thrower, at the Army surplus store. A flame-thrower is one of those rare things that really creates a lasting first impression -- so you should definitely get it.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Good day to curl up with a good book. Later, you will build a fort out of your furniture and some sheets, and shoot rubber bands at people.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will be on your way downtown today, when you will be struck by an odd thought. Fortunately it will bounce harmlessly off you.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will have more psychotronic energy today than usual. I recommend that you direct it towards the fridge. There's something alive in there.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Your next fortune cookie will say "See? We told you it taste like chicken!"
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
This is an excellent day to dare. Dare to eat a peach. Dare to wear your trousers rolled, and walk along the beach. Dare to be different. That sort of thing.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will have left-over lasagna for lunch. This is odd, because you don't remember the lasagna being made in the first place. Just one of those little mysteries that haunts you in life.
