02-17-2005, 11:55 PM
[indent][b]Aries (March 21 - April 19) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today will mark the first time you've ever actually "wrestled" a largish reptile. Although an unexpected experience, you will find it strangely stimulating, and may decide to pursue it as a career. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will receive a gift horse. Unfortunately, it will have a really horrendous case of gingivitis. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will discover a bassoon player hiding in the shrubbery. That's not something you should try to deal with yourself -- call in the professionals. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will lose your marbles. Fortunately, someone will find them and return them to you. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You are being followed by a man with an eye patch and a prosthetic limb. He, in turn, is being followed by a large reptile, which is making a ticking sound. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Someone named "Bob" is plotting to whap you with a calla lilly. If you carry long-stemmed carnations around with you today, you will be able to retaliate swiftly and effectively. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Let a smile be your umbrella, today. Tomorrow: letting a grimace be a pair of hip-waders. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today will be one of those days when everything reminds you of wild hickory nuts. Tomorrow: everything reminds you of peach yogurt. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Excellent day to blow soap bubbles in unusual places. See if you can get them to drift by people who are thinking too hard. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will build a better mousetrap, but nobody will beat a path to your door. Several people will beat a path to your refrigerator, though, and will make sandwiches. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will notice an odd stone "egg" in an antique shop. Don't bring it home. They're very hungry right after they hatch. [/indent][/indent]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today will mark the first time you've ever actually "wrestled" a largish reptile. Although an unexpected experience, you will find it strangely stimulating, and may decide to pursue it as a career. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will receive a gift horse. Unfortunately, it will have a really horrendous case of gingivitis. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will discover a bassoon player hiding in the shrubbery. That's not something you should try to deal with yourself -- call in the professionals. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will lose your marbles. Fortunately, someone will find them and return them to you. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You are being followed by a man with an eye patch and a prosthetic limb. He, in turn, is being followed by a large reptile, which is making a ticking sound. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Someone named "Bob" is plotting to whap you with a calla lilly. If you carry long-stemmed carnations around with you today, you will be able to retaliate swiftly and effectively. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Let a smile be your umbrella, today. Tomorrow: letting a grimace be a pair of hip-waders. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today will be one of those days when everything reminds you of wild hickory nuts. Tomorrow: everything reminds you of peach yogurt. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Excellent day to blow soap bubbles in unusual places. See if you can get them to drift by people who are thinking too hard. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will build a better mousetrap, but nobody will beat a path to your door. Several people will beat a path to your refrigerator, though, and will make sandwiches. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will notice an odd stone "egg" in an antique shop. Don't bring it home. They're very hungry right after they hatch. [/indent][/indent]
