[leeman]

// TOP SECRET Microsoft© Code
// Project: Chicago™
// Projected release-date: Summer 1998

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "bill_rulz.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

void main()
(
while(!CRASHED) (
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();

if (first_time_installation) (
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
hang_system();
)

write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();

if (still_not_crashed) (
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
)
)

if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu()) (
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
)

/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:|swp0001.swp",O_CREATE);
while(something) (
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
)

create_general_protection_fault();
)

[eyeonit]

dude that's funny. Great. I fucking hate WIN98. ME was even worse yet.