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Dr. Flumper's Home Remedies
#1

Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."

Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer . Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the product was never been advertised for this use. (Note: Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine is not the same..and contains aspirin, which can cause stomach bleeding if you have ulcers.)

Honey remedy for skin blemishes... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus... Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Coca-Cola cure for rust... Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover...just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure....cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters...To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine ... a powerful antiseptic.

Heinz vinegar to heal bruises.. Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Kills fleas instantly. Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas.

Rainy day cure for dog odor... Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

Eliminate ear mites... All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief....It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
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#2

Thanks, those earmites have been killing me.

I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right?


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#3

SanDog Wrote:Thanks, those earmites have been killing me.
Get some Wesson corn oil. You'll thank me.
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#4

I looked for formula 409 but the shopkeeper said customer should resubmit with more info
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#5

ntype Wrote:I looked for formula 409 but the shopkeeper said customer should resubmit with more info
Did you check in the insect repellent aisle?
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#6

Flumper Barflusterbutt Wrote:Did you check in the insect repellent aisle?

not really I was looking for formula 404 but I didn't found it :d
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#7

Quote:Listerine therapy for toenail fungus... Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Now my breath smells like feet---Thanks
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#8

quint Wrote:Now my breath smells like feet---Thanks

it's because you are a foot fetish, geez.
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#9

quint Wrote:Now my breath smells like feet---Thanks
I would suggest that you throw out the listerine after you soak your feet in it. Good luck with the fungus, though.
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#10

whoot
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#11

I thought Flump was being helpful for a change, but I see this is vintage Flump now. Still some good tips though! I'm getting more into "home remedies" instead of instantly reaching for drugs or chemicals.

JCW Wrote:Every toilet bowl has to have one turd that floats to the top, I'm just doing my part.
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#12

JCW Wrote:I thought Flump was being helpful for a change, but I see this is vintage Flump now. Still some good tips though! I'm getting more into "home remedies" instead of instantly reaching for drugs or chemicals.

One thing you may want to do is move away from the nuclear dump.
Sin,

Your tits.

ncbiker Wrote:Squirt, why in the fuck did you feel in necessary to follow Christy here? You are doing everything that Christy says you do.

WoolyGoat Wrote:squirt, will you at least admit you come here for her?
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#13

Blondie Wrote:One thing you may want to do is move away from the nuclear dump.
Sin,

Your tits.

no where else to post so you have to toxify it up here?

[Image: sig_banner.php?name=154]
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#14

I think she's got a crush on me, spunkster. Sadly for her, I don't "do" kooky.

JCW Wrote:Every toilet bowl has to have one turd that floats to the top, I'm just doing my part.
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#15

If you throw 2 aspirin in the washing machine, it will take grass stains out of clothes (helpful for baseball pants etc)
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#16

And that's it for my helpfulness today.
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#17

Actual aspirin, not Tylenol or anything? With a young fella in the house, this is going to come in VERY handy down the road.

JCW Wrote:Every toilet bowl has to have one turd that floats to the top, I'm just doing my part.
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#18

bam Wrote:If you throw 2 aspirin in the washing machine, it will take grass stains out of clothes (helpful for baseball pants etc)
No way. I will have to try to remember that.
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