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This sucked...
#1

So I was on this construction site, eating what I am sure was some kind of domestic house pet that had been stewed, shredded and rolled up into a flour tortilla in the back of a Winnebago Mexican Kitchen, and as good as it was, the spice was kicking my ass. Within about an hour I could feel a burning sensation in my rectum that almost felt like someone was giving me a prostate exam with a hot fireplace poker. The goddamn Exlax company could learn a thing or two from these Mexican witchdoctors. I knew that time was of the essence and the only thing I could see was a nearby Rent-a-Crapper.

I quickly strolled to the john and found it to be unoccuppied. The stench hit me like I was standing in front of the return air duct at the City Turd Mill. I held my breath until I could get a cigarette lit, thinking the smoke might choke out the funk long enough for me to make a deposit and then get the fuck back to civilization. I hurridly pulled off my jeans as I bent toward the plastic seat. About the time I remembered my truck keys were in my back pocket I heard a splash. My fucking keys fell into the hole. As bad as that was, I had to blow and nothing was going to stop me.

It burned as if I Beelzebub himself had crawled up my ass and was throwing a fucking Mardi Gras. The shit poured from my ass in short bursts as my sphincter kept trying to make me end the punishment. This shit stew could have strained itself through a #20 wire cloth and left nothing behind. A fucking gold miner would have found more lumps in his pan than he could have found in this shit.

When it was over, I sat there with my head in my hands. I no longer noticed the smell. I could feel my ass hole throbbing itself back into place, taking short pants as it coughed out the final puffs of smoke.

Now about those keys. The water was still a little warm from the fresh defecation. I felt my way through the thick sludge to the bottom of the container. There was about a foot of water and solids before I felt the bottom. I moved my hand around and was quite pleased to find my keys rather quickly. As I grabbed hold of them, I soon realized that wasn't them. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't keys.

I kept up my search and within seconds, they were found. My sleeve was only slightly damp, as I had kept it rolled up high on my arm. There was a blue ring around the roll in the sleeve. As I unrolled it, I noticed that the blue stain had pretty well seeped throughout the fabric. I don't think anyone thought anything about it as I walked back to my truck.
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#2

Post of the day. Smile
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#3

Purple_Haze Wrote:Post of the day. Smile
Try saying that with more or less context.
I am so glad you find this amusing, but the dark colors make my eyes hurt.

Who said I had to make sense ?
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#4

I just got to say .. sux to be you :lool:

[Image: vel.png]
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#5

Arby Wrote:When it was over, I sat there with my head in my hands. I no longer noticed the smell. I could feel my ass hole throbbing itself back into place, taking short pants as it coughed out the final puffs of smoke.

I laughed. Hard.

Someone PM this story to SanDog.

BIRD33 Wrote:Im guessing BEW's vag loks like a hotdog that exploded in the microwave.
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#6

Excellent. That was great.

I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right?


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#7

hey, arby, i got one about the mex jail that you would love
best post of the year

Confusednarg:

I realise that I have a past to break with--an accumulation of inertia, wrong, foolishness, rot, junk.  A great need of clarification, of mindfulness, or rather, of no mind.  A need to return to genuine practice, right effort.  Need to push on the great doubt.  Need for the spirit.  Hang on to the clear light.
           
Thomas Merton


       
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#8

*standing ovation*

I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours
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#9

uhhhh..that was classic.
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#10

ok, I just read this again for like the 3rd time and I still laughed my ass off. I can just picture you doing this. :lool:
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#11

Nice Work!!

R-Kive!

If I knew the first thing about modding a board, I'd sticky this bitch!
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#12

1st class post man. I'm still laughing
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#13

:lool: Good one, Arby.
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#14

great story teller ! Horrible circumstance.

[Image: th_runningneopet.gif]
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