This sucked... - Printable Version
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This sucked... - asshat - 12-08-2004
So I was on this construction site, eating what I am sure was some kind of domestic house pet that had been stewed, shredded and rolled up into a flour tortilla in the back of a Winnebago Mexican Kitchen, and as good as it was, the spice was kicking my ass. Within about an hour I could feel a burning sensation in my rectum that almost felt like someone was giving me a prostate exam with a hot fireplace poker. The goddamn Exlax company could learn a thing or two from these Mexican witchdoctors. I knew that time was of the essence and the only thing I could see was a nearby Rent-a-Crapper.
I quickly strolled to the john and found it to be unoccuppied. The stench hit me like I was standing in front of the return air duct at the City Turd Mill. I held my breath until I could get a cigarette lit, thinking the smoke might choke out the funk long enough for me to make a deposit and then get the fuck back to civilization. I hurridly pulled off my jeans as I bent toward the plastic seat. About the time I remembered my truck keys were in my back pocket I heard a splash. My fucking keys fell into the hole. As bad as that was, I had to blow and nothing was going to stop me.
It burned as if I Beelzebub himself had crawled up my ass and was throwing a fucking Mardi Gras. The shit poured from my ass in short bursts as my sphincter kept trying to make me end the punishment. This shit stew could have strained itself through a #20 wire cloth and left nothing behind. A fucking gold miner would have found more lumps in his pan than he could have found in this shit.
When it was over, I sat there with my head in my hands. I no longer noticed the smell. I could feel my ass hole throbbing itself back into place, taking short pants as it coughed out the final puffs of smoke.
Now about those keys. The water was still a little warm from the fresh defecation. I felt my way through the thick sludge to the bottom of the container. There was about a foot of water and solids before I felt the bottom. I moved my hand around and was quite pleased to find my keys rather quickly. As I grabbed hold of them, I soon realized that wasn't them. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't keys.
I kept up my search and within seconds, they were found. My sleeve was only slightly damp, as I had kept it rolled up high on my arm. There was a blue ring around the roll in the sleeve. As I unrolled it, I noticed that the blue stain had pretty well seeped throughout the fabric. I don't think anyone thought anything about it as I walked back to my truck.
This sucked... - PurpleHaze - 12-08-2004
Post of the day.
This sucked... - Sassy - 12-08-2004
Purple_Haze Wrote:Post of the day.Try saying that with more or less context.
I am so glad you find this amusing, but the dark colors make my eyes hurt.
This sucked... - Velvet - 12-08-2004
I just got to say .. sux to be you :lool:
This sucked... - TomFoolery - 12-08-2004
Arby Wrote:When it was over, I sat there with my head in my hands. I no longer noticed the smell. I could feel my ass hole throbbing itself back into place, taking short pants as it coughed out the final puffs of smoke.
I laughed. Hard.
Someone PM this story to SanDog.
This sucked... - SanDog - 12-08-2004
Excellent. That was great.
This sucked... - snarg - 12-08-2004
hey, arby, i got one about the mex jail that you would love
best post of the year
narg:
This sucked... - cLaY - 12-08-2004
*standing ovation*
This sucked... - CT280 - 12-08-2004
uhhhh..that was classic.
This sucked... - PurpleHaze - 12-08-2004
ok, I just read this again for like the 3rd time and I still laughed my ass off. I can just picture you doing this. :lool:
This sucked... - VitaminE - 12-08-2004
Nice Work!!
R-Kive!
If I knew the first thing about modding a board, I'd sticky this bitch!
This sucked... - Bill - 12-08-2004
1st class post man. I'm still laughing
This sucked... - Banana - 12-08-2004
:lool: Good one, Arby.
This sucked... - Charon - 12-08-2004
great story teller ! Horrible circumstance.