[Velvet]

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud; "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy cow," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird." &nbs p;
"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this-how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you
asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You
can't &nb sp;
see it because of my feathers."
"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English,
can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with&nb sp;
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion,
sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.
You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."
"Pssssss st" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me because I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20,
just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The
parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting,
he's ;
a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's
insightful.
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the Parrot goes
"Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing.
"I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your
wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the postman
delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black
nighty
and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie
and began petting her all over" reported the pa rrot.
"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?" "Then he lifted up the nightie,
got
down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her
breasts and slowly going down...."
"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" ........

"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch

[Hellbound]

can't say i saw that one coming.