03-14-2007, 12:56 PM
THE BEST RESIGNATION LETTER EVER!
An actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex
Computers USA , to her boss,
(who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!)
Dear Mr.Baker,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few
very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors
have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during
the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain
every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my
office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.
I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who
watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the
hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary
still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate
you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be
just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more
personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly
looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that
may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that
everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert
principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal
lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting
thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give
me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to
comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to
keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am
going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made
me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually
viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday",
you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror
nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it
to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those
have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions
will be open to the public. Never **** with your systems administrator. Why? Because
they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day.
Cecelia
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
pure BOFH style
