[Velvet]

Here

[Suicide Jim]

Jerry Springer

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! batman is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend jim. So everyone please put your hands together for batman!
Jerry: Okay, now batman you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: mary.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well mary, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you batman, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... god!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a sythe. god reaches for the chair. Out of the shadows jenefer appears.
jenefer: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here god.
god: Because I saw batman and jenefer making out at home!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
jenefer: That's a lie! I was home watching girls gone wild!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem god?
god: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with jim who has recently become engaged to jenefer.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring jim out here because batman had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... mary that's right!
jim: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with mary! You know I'm how I feel about mary!.
jenefer: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with mary!
jim: Because I knew that I could never have mary. But batman promised me that they'd never get together out of respect for my feelings!
jenefer: What about respect for MY feelings!
god walks suddenly across the stage, embracing jim.
god: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
jenefer: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
jenefer runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
jenefer: batman take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
jenefer: Married?
You nod.
jenefer: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Norwich. I'm married to mary.
jim: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
mary: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 5 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... batman is married to mary who jim has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now jim has recently become engaged to jenefer who was recently spotted kissing batman in the home. Now on top of this god has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with jim.
mary: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Norwich to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

[Hambone]

Jerry Springer
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Rich is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend charles. So everyone please put your hands together for Rich!
Jerry: Okay, now Rich you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: Elizbeth.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Elizbeth, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Rich, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Doug!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a bat. Doug reaches for the Chair. Out of the shadows Bobbie appears.
Bobbie: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Doug.
Doug: Because I saw Rich and Bobbie making out at L.A.!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Bobbie: That's a lie! I was home watching Law and Order!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Doug?
Doug: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with charles who has recently become engaged to Bobbie.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring charles out here because Rich had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Elizbeth that's right!
charles: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Elizbeth! You know I'm how I feel about Elizbeth!.
Bobbie: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Elizbeth!
charles: Because I knew that I could never have Elizbeth. But Rich promised me that they'd never get together out of respect for my feelings!
Bobbie: What about respect for MY feelings!
Doug walks suddenly across the stage, embracing charles.
Doug: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Bobbie: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
Bobbie runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
Bobbie: Rich take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
Bobbie: Married?
You nod.
Bobbie: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Norwich. I'm married to Elizbeth.
charles: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
Elizbeth: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 10 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Rich is married to Elizbeth who charles has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now charles has recently become engaged to Bobbie who was recently spotted kissing Rich in the L.A.. Now on top of this Doug has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with charles.
Elizbeth: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Norwich to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

[Velvet]

Jerry Springer
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! jimmygone is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend devious. So everyone please put your hands together for jimmygone!
Jerry: Okay, now jimmygone you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: Noi.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Noi, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you jimmygone, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... leeman!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a rifle. leeman reaches for the bed. Out of the shadows kitty appears.
kitty: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here leeman.
leeman: Because I saw jimmygone and kitty making out at burger king!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
kitty: That's a lie! I was home watching csi miami!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem leeman?
leeman: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with devious who has recently become engaged to kitty.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring devious out here because jimmygone had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Noi that's right!
devious: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Noi! You know I'm how I feel about Noi!.
kitty: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Noi!
devious: Because I knew that I could never have Noi. But jimmygone promised me that they'd never get together out of respect for my feelings!
kitty: What about respect for MY feelings!
leeman walks suddenly across the stage, embracing devious.
leeman: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
kitty: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
kitty runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
kitty: jimmygone take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
kitty: Married?
You nod.
kitty: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Norwich. I'm married to Noi.
devious: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
Noi: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 26 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... jimmygone is married to Noi who devious has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now devious has recently become engaged to kitty who was recently spotted kissing jimmygone in the burger king. Now on top of this leeman has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with devious.
Noi: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Norwich to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :jerry:

[leeman]

Uhmmmm .......

Velvet dear .... I have a present for you..................



















:mg:

[halfasleep]

I did NOT read the other ones first... anything that is duplicated is due to great minds thinking alike.... expect edits. :argh:

Jerry Springer

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Halfasleep is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend Leeman. So everyone please put your hands together for Halfasleep!

Jerry: Okay, now Halfasleep you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes, the greatest person to ever post a gif on a chatsite!

Jerry: And what is this other persons name?

You: Velvet.

The crowd SQUEALS with delight.

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Velvet, is actually here tonight -

The crowd SQUEALS. halfasleep eyes become like quarters.

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Halfasleep, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Diabolik!

You: What the HELL!!! YOU SAID you were home doing my Income taxes!!!!

Out of nowhere you pull out a Lead Bar. Diabolik reaches for the End Table. Out of the shadows Lovelynoi appears.

Lovelynoi: Wait everybody wait! We have to cut for a commerial!!

5 Rice-a-ronie and Herpie Cream ads interuppted by a plug for AOL later...

Everyone stares at her. That's a nice little nothing she's almost wearing.

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Diabolik.

Diabolik: Because I saw Halfasleep and Lovelynoi making out at Hogfat, New Mexico! Halfasleep was making out his will, as we're going to kill him!!!

The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.

Lovelynoi: That's a lie! I was home watching Fear Factor on A and E! They only advertised Burger King and Hamburger Helper.

Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Diabolik? Do you itch at any time????

Diabolik: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Leeman who has recently become engaged to Lovelynoi. But only on Tuesdays when Frazer isn't on.

The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.

The show is interrupted for many ads for Herpies medication and Lawyers needing work.

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Leeman out here because Halfasleep had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Velvet that's right!

Leeman: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Velvet! You know I'm how I feel about Velvet!.
I upped your post number up by 500 just to buy your quiet!!!

Lovelynoi: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Velvet! THAT'S WHY you set up that site!!!!

Leeman: Because I knew that I could never have Velvet, she lives too many countries away. But Halfasleep promised me that they'd never get together out of respect for my feelings! Besides, he itches.

Lovelynoi: What about respect for MY feelings! Look how much I have posted at IS!!!!!

Diabolik walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Leeman.

Diabolik: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me. You never have to look at another Hottie!!

Again the crowd SQUEALS.

Lovelynoi: Oh my God! Are you SICK!

Lovelynoi runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.

Lovelynoi: Halfasleep take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...

The crowd does its bit.

Lovelynoi: Married?

You nod.

Lovelynoi: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Norwich. I'm married to Velvet.

Jerry: NOW the fantasy REALLY begins!!!!

Leeman: (screaming) WHAT!!!

Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) Sounds like wiseful thinking to me! So...did you have a nice wedding night?

Velvet: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 15 times if that's what you mean. Sometimes with each other!!!! Most times he was online looking at pictures when he could of had THIS!!!!

Velvet tears open her.... well, it's digitally blocked out, so you don't need to know.

The crowd squeals.

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Halfasleep is married to Velvet who Leeman has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Leeman has recently become engaged to Lovelynoi who was recently spotted kissing Halfasleep in the Hogfat, New Mexico. Now on top of this Diabolik has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Leeman.

Velvet: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: And Halfasleep will have to do his own income tax.

Leeman: 'Bet he'll find himself banned after this!!! Least of all for leaving Minorthreat out of these proceedings!!!!

Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Norwich to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Perhaps I should buy a T-Shirt from UJ! Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight. Be good to each other, and be sure to buy our sponser's great Herpie's cream!!

Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

Reporter comes on screen: "Britney Spear's bra snaps. Film at 11:00!"""

[Velvet]

:lmao: .. lee looks like you have a thing for guys :p :lol:

[halfasleep]

Originally posted by velvet@Apr 13 2004, 09:09 PM
:lmao: .. lee looks like you have a thing for guys :p :lol:

Nahhh... It's just an phase... he'll grow out of it!!! :lol:

[leeman]

Originally posted by halfasleep+Apr 14 2004, 02:58 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(halfasleep @ Apr 14 2004, 02:58 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'> <!--QuoteBegin-velvet@Apr 13 2004, 09:09 PM
:lmao: .. lee looks like you have a thing for guys :p :lol:

Nahhh... It's just an phase... he'll grow out of it!!! :lol: [/b][/quote]
Well .........



There is a old saying......


Or new i dont fukkin know.....



The ppl who speaks most about it are the ones doing it.............

[Velvet]

Cheeky lee very very cheeky :p :lmao:

[Devious]

Jerry Springer
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! devious is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend jwnewman. So everyone please put your hands together for devious!
Jerry: Okay, now devious you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: velvet.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well velvet, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you devious, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... noi!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a uzi. noi reaches for the couch. Out of the shadows leeman appears.
leeman: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here noi.
noi: Because I saw devious and leeman making out at aussie!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
leeman: That's a lie! I was home watching seinfeld!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem noi?
noi: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with jwnewman who has recently become engaged to leeman.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring jwnewman out here because devious had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... velvet that's right!
jwnewman: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with velvet! You know I'm how I feel about velvet!.
leeman: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with velvet!
jwnewman: Because I knew that I could never have velvet. But devious promised me that they'd never get together out of respect for my feelings!
leeman: What about respect for MY feelings!
noi walks suddenly across the stage, embracing jwnewman.
noi: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
leeman: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
leeman runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
leeman: devious take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
leeman: Married?
You nod.
leeman: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Norwich. I'm married to velvet.
jwnewman: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
velvet: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 30 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... devious is married to velvet who jwnewman has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now jwnewman has recently become engaged to leeman who was recently spotted kissing devious in the aussie. Now on top of this noi has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with jwnewman.
velvet: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Norwich to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

[leeman]

Why is my name in all of these

[Velvet]

Lee ... just face it hun ... its men for you :lmao:

[Velvet]

Jerry Springer
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Beau is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend Minorthreat. So everyone please put your hands together for Beau!
Jerry: Okay, now Beau you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: Kitty.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Kitty, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Beau, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... bdic!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a toothpick. bdic reaches for the toilet. Out of the shadows Noi appears.
Noi: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here bdic.
bdic: Because I saw Beau and Noi making out at Mens loo!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Noi: That's a lie! I was home watching days of our lives!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem bdic?
bdic: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Minorthreat who has recently become engaged to Noi.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Minorthreat out here because Beau had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Kitty that's right!
Minorthreat: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Kitty! You know I'm how I feel about Kitty!.
Noi: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Kitty!
Minorthreat: Because I knew that I could never have Kitty. But Beau promised me that they'd never get together out of respect for my feelings!
Noi: What about respect for MY feelings!
bdic walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Minorthreat.
bdic: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Noi: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
Noi runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
Noi: Beau take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
Noi: Married?
You nod.
Noi: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Norwich. I'm married to Kitty.
Minorthreat: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
Kitty: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 66 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Beau is married to Kitty who Minorthreat has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Minorthreat has recently become engaged to Noi who was recently spotted kissing Beau in the Mens loo. Now on top of this bdic has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Minorthreat.
Kitty: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Norwich to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.
:lmao: :jerry:

[halfasleep]

Beau and MT might make a cute couple. :lol: They have so much in common! You can get them a job on Bravo! :lmao:









Thanks! :zorro:

[halfasleep]

Originally posted by leeman+Apr 14 2004, 07:58 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(leeman @ Apr 14 2004, 07:58 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'>

Originally posted by halfasleep@Apr 14 2004, 02:58 AM
<!--QuoteBegin-velvet@Apr 13 2004, 09:09 PM
[b] :lmao: .. lee looks like you have a thing for guys :p :lol:

Nahhh... It's just an phase... he'll grow out of it!!! :lol: [/b]

Well .........



There is a old saying......


Or new i dont fukkin know.....



The ppl who speaks most about it are the ones doing it............. [/b][/quote]
Nahhh..... Lee.




On the subject of s*x....
The ones who talk the most about it are probably the ones not doing it at all!!!!
:argh: :argh: :argh: :argh:





Yeah... stating from experience. :lame: :lol:



*doh!*

[Velvet]

Very good point there halfasleep and very true :lmao: