[Flumper Barflusterbutt]

She's 34 and from a small town in Arkansas. She's never been married, she's 6'-1" and she likes to drink alcohol. She says her best feature is her butt. Here's what she wrote:

I am sweet, sexy, outgoing, and honest. I have a great life, but I want someone to share it with. I like to have fun either putting on a dress and going into town or watching a movie at home on the vcr (or Reality TV…I am a complete junkie). We don't get cable, so I don't get to watch all the shows. I am a Christian and have been so blessed in my life. Church is a big deal. I want to date a Christian man who still knows how to live and enjoys drinking. I want someone who likes to travel and explore new things and make our life fun. I want a confidant, fun, cute man to spend time with and get to know.


My response:

'Sup buttercup? I'm pretty sure I'm the man for you. I have been looking for a Christian woman to help raise my kids. My sisters were killed in a freak accident at a tractor pull and now I'm raising all they're kids. If you have any neighbors with cable, I think I can hook you up. Sometimes you have to watch the same channel as them, but it don't cost nothing.

I've always done pretty good with Christian girls, if you know what I mean. There was a girl in my town whose dad was a preacher and she was real fun. We called her the bedbug. I'm also into the drinking thing. I don't even remember most of what I do on the week-ends.

You know what? You look like my brother. Write me back and give me your address and I'll come over. You can call me Flumper.

[Bill]

what small town? If I went to school with her, I'll hook you up with some year book photos.

[Flumper Barflusterbutt]

what small town? If I went to school with her, I'll hook you up with some year book photos.

I'm running this thread at UJ. You should hear some of the shit people are posting. They are so mad at me. One guy wants to kill me, I think. Its about 8 pages of people telling me what an asshole I am.

[BIRD33]

I'm running this thread at UJ. You should hear some of the shit people are posting. They are so mad at me. One guy wants to kill me, I think. Its about 8 pages of people telling me what an asshole I am.

Thats funny.If she responds after comparing her to your brother she's a keeper.Tell her to pray for cable.

[Raiden]

damn, that's a fucked-up grill she's got. it looks like somebody p-chopped a clown's mouf on her or somethin'.

[GoinDeep]

DitkaFan wrote:
Animal, you're a cocksucking classic self-loather. You are angry with women because you've gotten burned a few times and now are looking for vulnerable women on the internet to exploit in the most juvenile sense possible. You're a sad son of a bitch, and the kind of person that will probably end up offing yourself anyway. I'm hoping sooner than later.

[Bill]

I'm running this thread at UJ. You should hear some of the shit people are posting. They are so mad at me. One guy wants to kill me, I think. Its about 8 pages of people telling me what an asshole I am.

Thanks. What happens at UJ is far more interesting than answering my question.

[Raiden]

well we already know the white trash fucks at UJ have low standards when it comes to bitches.

[BIRD33]

Classic UJ thread.Really seperating the people who take this shit to serious from the rest,its like a retard dividing line.Everyone complaining either was on or currently is on match.com themselves or has a ugly brother or sister on it.

[Flumper Barflusterbutt]

This girl is from a small town in Texas. She describes herself as full figured and she's 5'-5" tall. Her best feature is her eyes and she loves to cook. Here's a little of what she had to say:

In a relationship, I strive for lots of love, while offering my support, understanding, and trust. I enjoy a multitude of activities and love an evening of cooking dinner at home or a night out as a couple or together with our friends. I have a ginormous (is that a word?) sex drive, but I'm not promiscuous.

As for my potential match, I'm not looking for perfection, but I am looking for someone real and genuine. Sincerity and good looks are a must, as are a good sense of humor and an ability to laugh at yourself. I laugh at myself all of the time and I love that about myself.

I responded:

Wow, I was so suprised to get this. Thanks. I usually get the weirdos. But friggin bingo on this one, huh?

I laugh at myself all of the time and so do other people. People are always doing stuff to me at work. Sometimes to mess with people I part my hair on a different side. Its hard to do, but I know how to do it.

If you have any pictures of yourself without clothes on, I'd like to show some of my buds at work. You can send them to my email. I know all about how to copy them onto a disk.

Do you know how to cook biscuits and gravy? I'm guessing that you do, and I love them. I could eat them all day. My mom says I'm better than a garbage disposal.

If you have a boat, that would be cool. I have some old life jackets I bought in a garage sale. I'm pretty good looking, I think. They say I look like a real short David Hasselhof. My friend Pnut said I look like I ate David Hasselhof. He kills me.

I'm ready to meet you, so email me the directions. You can call me Flumper.

[Flumper Barflusterbutt]

what small town?

Lowell

[Bill]

Lowell

never hear of it. you're on your own.

[what?]

never hear of it. you're on your own.

somehow, the UJ story actually did turn out to a little more interesting

[Blueeyedwoman]

The funniest parts by far are Flumper's emails. But my god he's got the UJers pissed. They want to kill him!

[BIRD33]

The life jackets part is hilarious.

[PurpleHaze]

Rack Flumper. That UJ thread is hillarious.

[what?]

somebody link the UJ thread here. thanks

[Blueeyedwoman]

http://www.uselessjunk.net/viewtopic.php?t=158356

[CT280]

dude should never have been a 1st round knockout in the smackoff.

[what?]

dude should never have been a 1st round knockout in the smackoff.

if you were fat, wore braces, or had a dick he'd have wiped the forum with you