[Undeadcannibal]

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[what?]

I have TammyC'ed two of my buddies (one with stipper juice, the other with a chick I'd hooked up with) and three chicks (with their own stank)

[TomFoolery]

I once tried fingering a chick while she was wearing a maxi pad. The broad must have been drunk or something, because she didn't remember it was down there. Either that or she just didn't let me know.

[minorthreat]

I have TammyC'ed two of my buddies (one with stipper juice, the other with a chick I'd hooked up with) and three chicks (with their own stank)

It's fun to TammyC people.

[Belle]

This one time, I shoved my finger up my ex's asshole.. i dont know What? the name is for that, but anyhoo..

[what?]

I got the strippers for a friend's bachelor party once. after the weekend, I was talking with his father, who had attended all the festivities. I told him (the dad) afterward that "I think everybody had fun, I hope it didn't get too out of hand" to which he (the dad) replied "no, I think it was great. I didn't think we were gonna get to eat that much pussy, but nobody seemed to mind"

[what?]

I'm going to bed. if this thread isn't 38 pages by tomorrow, I don't know what I'm gonna do at work all day

[Belle]

I'm going to bed. if this thread isn't 38 pages by tomorrow, I don't know what I'm gonna do at work all day

what he said.

[Vitamin E]

This thread is so funny I was suprised it wasn't from 2004. I didn't think we posted funny sex stories any more.

[Flumper Barflusterbutt]

This thread is so funny I was suprised it wasn't from 2004. I didn't think we posted funny sex stories any more.

2nd. i was thinking the same thing when i started reading it.

[cLaY]

Minorthreat and Foolery didn't lose their virginity until 2005.

[minorthreat]

Bump for everyone involved.

[SporK]

One semester in HS, I didn't show up for 1st-3rd period so I had to make up those classes by taking them in Nightschool in a different school twice a week. There was an ugly italian girl there who would ask to see my dick every class. I'd always respond with "only if you suck it" to which she always agreed to. She was ugly so I'd refuse but still talked to her because A) she was the only other white person B) she did my homework. One day I showed up semi intoxicated and of course she asked to see my dick. I took pitty on her and as soon as the bell rang, we went outside to the staircase. I unzipped and she proceeded to blow me as random people walked by on their way out.

-SporK

[SporK]

A year later, the same bitch called me up out of the blue. She wanted to hang out. I picked her up and the first thing she told me was that she just broke up with her boyfriend. We drove to a parking lot of a reasturant where a buddy of mine worked valet. She started blowing me in the backseat of my car but then realized my windows weren't tinted. I got the keys to the owners S500 out of the valet box and we moved it there. I tried to finger her while she was blowing me, she stopped to tell me she was on her period but to fuck her up the ass. She took off her pants and her maxipad fell out onto the carpet. My friend then came over and said we needed to get out of the car because the owner was going to leave. She put her pants back on, leaving the pad in the car. I proceeded to fuck her up the ass behind a small dumpster. It was 4pm. I left soon afterwards, leaving her there. The next day my friend calls me up telling me he fucked the bitch I left up the ass (it'd have been funny, she was 5'5ish, he's 5'3) and asked why I decided to get him fired. I told him it was an even trade.

-SporK

[SporK]

Teh Cuz and Teh Spork were once hanging out at some fat girls (lets call her mookie, she's easily 180lbs) house trying to get drunk enough to fuck her skinny yet ugly friends. After splitting two bottles and still being scared of their appearance, I left and decided to leave a passed out Cuz there to fend for himself - after all, he found them, not me.
3am my phone rings. A borderline psychotic cuz wakes me up:

Spork: "Yo"
Cuz: "You dick!"
Spork: "What?"
Cuz: "I just threw up on the side of the road."
Spork: "What?"
Cuz: "Why the fuck did you leave me there? I fucked mookie."
Spork: (Laughter)"What? You can't be serious"
Cuz: "I woke up with her holding her stomach up with 1 hand and shoving my dick in her pussy with the other."
Spork: (Laughter)"What the fuck? Is that even possible?"
CUz: "Fuck you! Would I be throwing up if it wasn't?"
SPork: "Why are you on the street?"
Cuz: "Well, as soon as I smelled her nasty pussy, I woke up and threw up on her couch. Then I ran outside and threw up near the car. Then I started driving home and had to pull over to throw up a few more times. All thanks to you. Fucking Asshole!"
Spork: "Dude, shut the fuck up. You're about to make me throw up!"
Cuz: "Good! You fucking prick."
Spork: "Are you okay to drive home?"
Cuz: "Yeah. You have no idea how fast smelly pussy sobers you up."

I gotta had it to Teh Cuz, that kid can fuck anything.

-SPorK

[what?]

excellent bump

a buddy of mine is a little worried he's gonna be a dad. he said he was banging his girlfriend and wearing a rubber. he came while he was still inside her, figuring the trash bag would catch all the goo. m'man gets up, goes to the bathroom to discard the condom, and discovers to his horror that there was no sleeve on his johnson anymore. he goes back in and tells his girl "I can't find the rubber". they check the sheets - nada. long story short, after a little amatuer gynocology they find it. his words - "there wasn't hardly ANY cum at all in it". dude was all mopey and trying to get his hands on a morning-after pill. I suggested that next time he use a bread twisty-tie or a stapler to hold his rubbers on

[Anhil8tor]

That guy what? used to be $$$$.


He hasn't been the same since he lost the smackoff.

[BIRD33]

excellent bump

a buddy of mine is a little worried he's gonna be a dad. he said he was banging his girlfriend and wearing a rubber. he came while he was still inside her, figuring the trash bag would catch all the goo. m'man gets up, goes to the bathroom to discard the condom, and discovers to his horror that there was no sleeve on his johnson anymore. he goes back in and tells his girl "I can't find the rubber". they check the sheets - nada. long story short, after a little amatuer gynocology they find it. his words - "there wasn't hardly ANY cum at all in it". dude was all mopey and trying to get his hands on a morning-after pill. I suggested that next time he use a bread twisty-tie or a stapler to hold his rubbers on

Same thing happened to me.Nothing like fisting a girl in a non sexual manner while digging for latex.

[what?]

Same thing happened to me.Nothing like fisting a girl in a non sexual manner while digging for latex.

I thought you were a black dude? way to shatter the myth

[BIRD33]

I thought you were a black dude? way to shatter the myth

I wish I got what this meant.