Dear Banana:
Would it be too much to ask to keep the fact that I am the father of pepsi's baby a secret.
Thanx,
Tom
Ps don't make me tell Jimmy about those tit pics you sent me!
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Dear Bill's Wife,
I am happy to report today, that your request for marital separation based on spousal stupidity has been granted by the court. We will contact you on further proceedings.
Sincerely,
Mark C. Benn,
Benn, Dover, and Takit, Attorneys at Law.
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To: 'Wyld' Bill Hatfield
From: Dr. Steve Graham, University of Pittsburgh Genetics Research Department
Dear Mr. Hatfield,
Your test results have returned and I have some very strange information to share with you. It appears that the 24th chromosome in your DNA strand has a defect, meaning that you actually only have 45.5 working 'building blocks'. This explains why it is very difficult for you to come up with any sort of cognitive or intelligent thoughts; this is directly correlated to why everyone thinks you suck. It also explains why you ate the entire styrofoam DNA model my daughter made and gave to me as a birthday present.
No further testing is needed or planned, so please move the trailer from in front of Sutherland Hall and stop asking the female students if they'd like to smell your privates.
Sincerely,
Dr. Steve Graham
Director, University of Pittsburgh Genetics Research Department
BIRD33 Wrote:Im guessing BEW's vag loks like a hotdog that exploded in the microwave.
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Dear Banana
Since you agreed on taking me in as a patient.
I have really realized that I truly am a gay man trapped in a straight mans body.
Sin
Clay
Why do I keep this cesspool alive?
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Mr. Foolery,
This letter is confirm your nomination as the most well researched letter in the "Letters Thread V2.0" thread at the
http://www.InsaneTrain.com. Your use of the actual Head of Genetics at the University of Pittsburgh, Dr. Steve Graham, added both accuracy and authenticity to an otherwise average post.
Your hard work and dedication to posting are second to none. We look forward to more of your well researched posts in the future.
Sincerely,
Jonathan Rosenberg
Vice President, Product Management
Google
I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right?
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Dear Asshat,
We have come to notice you've been illegaling hunting ass in non ass hunting season. We've caught onto your ongoing buisness on ebays selling asshats and assshoes and so forth and you need to hault this program and stop immeidatley. The ass will be in season again come fall. If you proceed to hunt ass we will be forced to slap you with a $500 fine. The next offence will $1000 and 10 hours community service.
Thanks for the Cooperation,
California Department of Fish and Game
One part of the Trailer Trash Alliance
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Ninjabassist,
We have located your watch that you left behind on your last visit. Somehow it had become stuck to your towel that was found in the steam room. You can pick this item up at the main office on your next visit.
Due to your recent popularity among our regular members, I am enclosing five free passes to the Friday night Happy Hour.
Regards,
P "Pudge" Facker, III
Rainbow Caberet Men's Bath
4421 N. Hubert Ave
Tampa, FL
813-877-7585
Dear Clay's Avatar,
Mini-Me needs a boyfriend.
- Dr. Evil
EDIT: She means clay's old av
Dear Fem,
Our office regrets to inform you that no adequate job openings - matching your skills and requirements - can be found at this time. We did uncover some evidence that institutions where everyone agrees with each other, delusions are actively encouraged, and your peers will believe that you are a perfectly brilliant sparkly magical princess may exist within certain fantasy realms of Childrenâs Literature; however, contact information was not made available to us. We would like to suggest that you consider locking yourself in a wardrobe or jumping into a tornado. We are sorry that we cannot be of further assistance to you and wish you luck with your continuing job search.
Sincerely,
US Medical School Placement Services
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Thread hijacking in 5, 4, 3,
(zing to Banana). RACK!!!!!!!!!!
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narg:
Banana Wrote:Dear Fem,
Our office regrets to inform you that no adequate job openings - matching your skills and requirements - can be found at this time. We did uncover some evidence that institutions where everyone agrees with each other, delusions are actively encouraged, and your peers will believe that you are a perfectly brilliant sparkly magical princess may exist within certain fantasy realms of Childrenâs Literature; however, contact information was not made available to us. We would like to suggest that you consider locking yourself in a wardrobe or jumping into a tornado. We are sorry that we cannot be of further assistance to you and wish you luck with your continuing job search.
Sincerely,
US Medical School Placement Services
:lool:
this theard is approaching HOF status
dear it gagsters
you guys are funny
sin
ernie
I realise that I have a past to break with--an accumulation of inertia, wrong, foolishness, rot, junk. A great need of clarification, of mindfulness, or rather, of no mind. A need to return to genuine practice, right effort. Need to push on the great doubt. Need for the spirit. Hang on to the clear light.
Thomas Merton
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Dear Mr Dub,
Your subscription to Manwich Unlimited has been cancelled due to your payments not being recieved. If you would like to continue please send a payment of $24.95 to us. By renewing your subscription you can choose from either a complimentary Pocket Ass or a Blow Up Brad Pitt doll.
Thanks for the cooperation
Manwich Unlimited subscription dept.
One part of the Trailer Trash Alliance
dear mefirst
your application to the outsiders has been rejected
once you learn how to insert and twist
a double headed dildo properly
we will reconsider you for membership
yours truly
niles ass r8per
Dear Mr. Foolery
It has come to our attention that you have a feces fetish. Due to the nature of the food handling business and our high exposure to lawsuits, we must terminate your employment at this time.
Thank you for the many years of service. You were in line for an assistant to the assistant manager's position in only six months more.
Sin,
McDonald's Headquarters
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Dear Browntrout Publishers,
I have a request for your 2006 edition of the '365 days of smack' desk calendar. Will you please include 2 insults per page in next year's version? It would help my IT post count dramatically.
Thanks,
BIRD33
BIRD33 Wrote:Im guessing BEW's vag loks like a hotdog that exploded in the microwave.
(This post was last modified: 02-02-2005, 05:16 AM by
TomFoolery.)
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Dear Bird33,
Love me daddy.
Sin,
Tomfoolery
See You In Toledo
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Dear Diary,
Today I almost got Banana to PM me and I think fem was going to respond to one of my posts. If things continue to go ahead of schedule then maybe later this week I can work on gaining respect from the guys. Wish me luck!
P.S. I still haven't revised the date I set to gain acceptance at IT, I'm still shooting for the 28th of February. If things change I'll let you know.
Your pal,
what?
BIRD33 Wrote:Im guessing BEW's vag loks like a hotdog that exploded in the microwave.
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Dear TomF,
Please don't be ashamed of me. I am doing the best I can. I really wish you would take me around the girls more often. The boys are hard on me and they always hurt me. I might be short, but you have to admit that I am really skinny. I will do better. Have confidence in me.
Sincerely,
TomF's penis.
(This post was last modified: 02-02-2005, 05:40 PM by
asshat.)
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