03-01-2006, 09:19 AM
Before you read this. I am planning to add much more content, such as stories, interviews, and pictures. Anyway, I present to you my rough(VERY rough) draft:
--
Many people a day rape something, you could rape at Counterstrike, or at the Day Care Center, but what about those 2 out of every 10,000 people who lust for something more...who want to rape something that was once thought inconceivable to mankind?
Approximately 1.5 years ago, I had the idea-no, the epiphany to rape a lawnmower. I wrote the guide, and since then, society has been more accepting and friendly. I return once more, to offer you a window, a door, and escape you may need from this bleak reality we call life. In this FAQ I will cover the following:
Rape - the basics
Why rape?
How to rape:
Mountains
Water
Sharks
Tornados
RAPE - THE BASICS
Now, many people who have raped before know these by now; so if you've already raped something, feel free to pass this section by.
Now, the first method to raping is to hide, you need to know how to stalk before you can rape. I suggest you play Metal Gear Solid, so as to learn how to maneuver a cardboard box.
If you are going to rape something, make sure to boast this fact as much as possible. Not only with this help pump you up, so you've got more wood then a Lumberjack in heat, but it will get many people to come watch you rape live, which may perhaps get you superstardom.
Now, if you are going to rape a person, do the exact opposite. Tell nobody, and wear a mask. However, since raping people is not the emphasis of this FAQ, I will unfortunately have to save this part for another time.
In summary, when you want to rape something, remember these steps:
1) Boast - Tell people about it
2) Stalk - Make sure to follow your target in secrecy.
3) Rape - Make sure you actually rape it. Many people forget this step, and sink into perpetual C- class stardom.
WHY RAPE?
Throughout time, people have raped things, it's a natural urge men have, and sometimes women do it, but that's more acceptable if she's hot. Now let's face the facts, everyone rapes at one time or another! I remember once I was doing the laundry and I suddenly found myself raping a TV set. Rape is a natural occurrence, even animals rape. So next time you're at church, and they say rape is bad, well then by the Dawn's Early Light, stand up and rape in the name of freedom!!
HOW TO RAPE:
~ MOUNTAINS-
Mountains are tricky. At first glance, one might conceive that they would actually be difficult to rape, this is completely wrong. I chose to cover mountains first because they are actually easier to rape than anything. The only rape performed with more ease is AOL's of hapless NetN00bs' savings accounts.
To rape a mountain, first follow it on it's daily routine, I suggest doing this for a week at least, to ensure that there are no varying schedules during the week. Once you have the schedule down, slowly walk up to your mountain target, and offer to by it a drink in the bar. Before the mountain can answer, plow it over, and hump like Bob Dole on a bottle of Viagra. In this stage, penetration isn't important, because you're raping it anyway. Now, I suggest you keep this up until you finish, because police are highly prejudiced against the forces of nature, and therefore will take a long time to come to a mountain rape to break it up, and that only occurs if you're doing it outside an Urban Outfitters store, since Mountains in packs can be very obnoxious.
After you've raped the mountain, make sure you let out a barbaric yawp, one of your choosing, "Leeroy Jenkins" Is a popular among newer rapists, with older rapists more preferred to say "Back in WW2 I once stormed the beaches on a...etc, etc." After you've raped a mountain, you can call yourself a new rapist. Word will spread fast of your raping prowess.
WATER-
Raping water is a pretty big undertaking. Before you rape water, you need to consider how much of it there really is on Earth, and how powerful it can be. I suggest you start small, on, say a pond at first, before you begin to prey on Oceans and Seas. Many people forget that very basic principle of raping water. Now, raping water is both fun and recreational. I usually just walk around the woods until I spot an unsuspecting body of water. I sneak up from whatever position I feel, and usually just dive right into it. It is a good idea to get yourself in to a degraded mental state, so you can thrust and punch furiously, because if you get to a system in water rape, you may end up swimming. After finishing, always threaten the water, the traditional
âTELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS AND IâLL KILL YOU!!!â
Works well, but if you can, always be more creative. Involve as many gory depictions as possible, because water is very squeamish. In fact, a professional water rapist caused the Tsunami that rocked the world a little while ago. Always go into water rape hoping to attain a greatness of that level. Raping water is often compared to eating Pringles: âOnce you pop, you just canât stop!â I donât suggest you do, water rape is very healthy, and itâs what led Christ himself to gain the powers he did.
SHARKS
Sharksâ¦are very hard to rape, possibly harder than tornadoes. Iâve raped a lot of sharks in my time, and itâs only fun afterward. Sharks usually travel alone, so the only problem is sneaking up on them. Unfortunately, a Cardboard Box wonât work here. I suggest a shark suit, or stealth camo. Raping a shark takes a lot of skill, and only four people in the world can do it perfectly: Conan OâBrien, Samuel Jackson, Vin Diesel, and Captain Planet. LUEshi doesnât rape sharks, he rapes time and space itself, so thatâs why LUEshi is not on the list.
There isnât much to say about raping sharks, itâs a very unknown subject. Make sure you bring a lot of them biscuits from Red Lobster. Nobody can resist them, unless you are in the waters of china. Communist sharks blow. Donât rape them.
Penetrating a shark is the easiest part. You can stab a hole, go for the gills, or pretty much any orifice besides the face. Sharks + Oral = Eunuch. Probably the best part about raping sharks is the penetration of the cartilage, and the feel. Gills may be sharp on the pee pee, so watch out!
TORNADOES
Tornadoes are mother natureâs perfect prey. Tornadoes can be compared to a bitchy Latina woman. They are big, loud, and hard to ignore. The main reason anyone would have to rape a tornado would be to prove that the elements are your bitch, and that you can rape what you want, when you want. Iâve raped my share of tornadoes, and I must admit, the winds swirling around my junk feels absolutely wonderful. The only problem comes after climax. When you blow a load into a tornado, it will swirl around, and 9 times out of 8, smack into your face.
Tornado rape stems back to the days of Greek Mythology. It all started when Hercules set out for America with Christopher Columbus. He found a tornado in Olympus that was the biggest, latino-est bitch ever. So he bent that fucker over and raped it to hell. Then the british invented tea, and alaxander the great discovered the telephone.
So, from the story above, we can conclude that raping tornados is a good thing. It is productive for the society, and is the source of all modern technology. I would rape a tornado right now if I wanted to. But I donât. So Iâm not gonna.
--
Many people a day rape something, you could rape at Counterstrike, or at the Day Care Center, but what about those 2 out of every 10,000 people who lust for something more...who want to rape something that was once thought inconceivable to mankind?
Approximately 1.5 years ago, I had the idea-no, the epiphany to rape a lawnmower. I wrote the guide, and since then, society has been more accepting and friendly. I return once more, to offer you a window, a door, and escape you may need from this bleak reality we call life. In this FAQ I will cover the following:
Rape - the basics
Why rape?
How to rape:
Mountains
Water
Sharks
Tornados
RAPE - THE BASICS
Now, many people who have raped before know these by now; so if you've already raped something, feel free to pass this section by.
Now, the first method to raping is to hide, you need to know how to stalk before you can rape. I suggest you play Metal Gear Solid, so as to learn how to maneuver a cardboard box.
If you are going to rape something, make sure to boast this fact as much as possible. Not only with this help pump you up, so you've got more wood then a Lumberjack in heat, but it will get many people to come watch you rape live, which may perhaps get you superstardom.
Now, if you are going to rape a person, do the exact opposite. Tell nobody, and wear a mask. However, since raping people is not the emphasis of this FAQ, I will unfortunately have to save this part for another time.
In summary, when you want to rape something, remember these steps:
1) Boast - Tell people about it
2) Stalk - Make sure to follow your target in secrecy.
3) Rape - Make sure you actually rape it. Many people forget this step, and sink into perpetual C- class stardom.
WHY RAPE?
Throughout time, people have raped things, it's a natural urge men have, and sometimes women do it, but that's more acceptable if she's hot. Now let's face the facts, everyone rapes at one time or another! I remember once I was doing the laundry and I suddenly found myself raping a TV set. Rape is a natural occurrence, even animals rape. So next time you're at church, and they say rape is bad, well then by the Dawn's Early Light, stand up and rape in the name of freedom!!
HOW TO RAPE:
~ MOUNTAINS-
Mountains are tricky. At first glance, one might conceive that they would actually be difficult to rape, this is completely wrong. I chose to cover mountains first because they are actually easier to rape than anything. The only rape performed with more ease is AOL's of hapless NetN00bs' savings accounts.
To rape a mountain, first follow it on it's daily routine, I suggest doing this for a week at least, to ensure that there are no varying schedules during the week. Once you have the schedule down, slowly walk up to your mountain target, and offer to by it a drink in the bar. Before the mountain can answer, plow it over, and hump like Bob Dole on a bottle of Viagra. In this stage, penetration isn't important, because you're raping it anyway. Now, I suggest you keep this up until you finish, because police are highly prejudiced against the forces of nature, and therefore will take a long time to come to a mountain rape to break it up, and that only occurs if you're doing it outside an Urban Outfitters store, since Mountains in packs can be very obnoxious.
After you've raped the mountain, make sure you let out a barbaric yawp, one of your choosing, "Leeroy Jenkins" Is a popular among newer rapists, with older rapists more preferred to say "Back in WW2 I once stormed the beaches on a...etc, etc." After you've raped a mountain, you can call yourself a new rapist. Word will spread fast of your raping prowess.
WATER-
Raping water is a pretty big undertaking. Before you rape water, you need to consider how much of it there really is on Earth, and how powerful it can be. I suggest you start small, on, say a pond at first, before you begin to prey on Oceans and Seas. Many people forget that very basic principle of raping water. Now, raping water is both fun and recreational. I usually just walk around the woods until I spot an unsuspecting body of water. I sneak up from whatever position I feel, and usually just dive right into it. It is a good idea to get yourself in to a degraded mental state, so you can thrust and punch furiously, because if you get to a system in water rape, you may end up swimming. After finishing, always threaten the water, the traditional
âTELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS AND IâLL KILL YOU!!!â
Works well, but if you can, always be more creative. Involve as many gory depictions as possible, because water is very squeamish. In fact, a professional water rapist caused the Tsunami that rocked the world a little while ago. Always go into water rape hoping to attain a greatness of that level. Raping water is often compared to eating Pringles: âOnce you pop, you just canât stop!â I donât suggest you do, water rape is very healthy, and itâs what led Christ himself to gain the powers he did.
SHARKS
Sharksâ¦are very hard to rape, possibly harder than tornadoes. Iâve raped a lot of sharks in my time, and itâs only fun afterward. Sharks usually travel alone, so the only problem is sneaking up on them. Unfortunately, a Cardboard Box wonât work here. I suggest a shark suit, or stealth camo. Raping a shark takes a lot of skill, and only four people in the world can do it perfectly: Conan OâBrien, Samuel Jackson, Vin Diesel, and Captain Planet. LUEshi doesnât rape sharks, he rapes time and space itself, so thatâs why LUEshi is not on the list.
There isnât much to say about raping sharks, itâs a very unknown subject. Make sure you bring a lot of them biscuits from Red Lobster. Nobody can resist them, unless you are in the waters of china. Communist sharks blow. Donât rape them.
Penetrating a shark is the easiest part. You can stab a hole, go for the gills, or pretty much any orifice besides the face. Sharks + Oral = Eunuch. Probably the best part about raping sharks is the penetration of the cartilage, and the feel. Gills may be sharp on the pee pee, so watch out!
TORNADOES
Tornadoes are mother natureâs perfect prey. Tornadoes can be compared to a bitchy Latina woman. They are big, loud, and hard to ignore. The main reason anyone would have to rape a tornado would be to prove that the elements are your bitch, and that you can rape what you want, when you want. Iâve raped my share of tornadoes, and I must admit, the winds swirling around my junk feels absolutely wonderful. The only problem comes after climax. When you blow a load into a tornado, it will swirl around, and 9 times out of 8, smack into your face.
Tornado rape stems back to the days of Greek Mythology. It all started when Hercules set out for America with Christopher Columbus. He found a tornado in Olympus that was the biggest, latino-est bitch ever. So he bent that fucker over and raped it to hell. Then the british invented tea, and alaxander the great discovered the telephone.
So, from the story above, we can conclude that raping tornados is a good thing. It is productive for the society, and is the source of all modern technology. I would rape a tornado right now if I wanted to. But I donât. So Iâm not gonna.
Shoot Straight . . . Conserve Ammo . . . And Never Ever Cut A Deal With A Dragon
