Get your Santa Smack here - Printable Version
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Get your Santa Smack here - TomFoolery - 12-17-2004
Arby Wrote:Ho Ho Ho you fat fuck!
And, just so you know, I ain't buying this story that you fly to every fucking house on the planet in one night. I doubt that is even physically possible. There would not be enough time. And for the red nose? I laugh at this one. How dum do you think we are? Even if it did light up, there is no way it would throw off enough light to guide your sleigh through a dark storm at night. Get a clue would ya?
I did some quick research, came up with the following:
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total â 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75½ million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000/3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload (not even counting the weight of the sleigh) - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.
In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
Get your Santa Smack here - Bill - 12-17-2004
dood, that's going to school with my 7 year old tomarrow!
Get your Santa Smack here - CT280 - 12-17-2004
rack the fukker. the gift that keeps on giving.
Get your Santa Smack here - asshat - 12-17-2004
Ass Vomit Wrote:I did some quick research, came up with the following:
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total â 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75½ million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000/3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload (not even counting the weight of the sleigh) - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.
In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
See, that's what I am sayin'. The whole thing just doesn't sound plausible to me.
Does this mean you have Bode' on Santa?
Get your Santa Smack here - Santa - 12-17-2004
Ass Vomit Wrote:I'll take some...
You sound just like yo' momma, now leave assburglar.
fem Wrote:Santa is not supossed to be like this!
Pick the nasty pubes out of your teeth ya crazy lesbo. Who the fuck made you the authority over santa. Go douche!
fem Wrote:I would still like to sit on Santa's lap.
I call bullshit ya fuckin' fish eater. Don't you know I see all. :roll:
Arby Wrote:Step it up North Pole smoker. This line is getting a little long and I need to be down at the circus making fun of the fat lady with the mustache.
Yahoo! RomperRoom must have let the tards out early this year. Let me guess you'd like another dozen gerbills this year. It's a crying shame what you did with last years. Your lucky I don't report your ass to PETA.
anhil8tor Wrote:I'd like some you elf molesting, reindeer raping white devil.RACK!
Have you finish crapping out the tub of parkay you stuck up your ass? I'm sure it sounded like a good idea at first. You never thought it would make your movements boyant. Don't think I didn't see you float a nasty margarine covered log at your gf's place then have to bust it up with her curling iron to get it down. I can't be mad though, I laugh when she uses it. She thinks it's the smell of burning hair.
Arby Wrote:Ho Ho Ho you fat fuck!
And, just so you know, I ain't buying this story that you fly to every fucking house on the planet in one night. I doubt that is even physically possible. There would not be enough time. And for the red nose? I laugh at this one. How dum do you think we are? Even if it did light up, there is no way it would throw off enough light to guide your sleigh through a dark storm at night. Get a clue would ya?
Let me get this right...YOU don't believe in FAIRY tales!?!?!
Yeah sure! :roll:
Ass Vomit Wrote:I did some [/qoute]
I read that much.
Odd, you didn't mention how frequently you jizz to your mom and dad's home movies. This year I'll be giving therapy gift cards.
[QUOTE=Arby]See, that's what I am sayin'. The whole thing just doesn't sound plausible to me.
Does this mean you have Bode' on Santa?
:roll:
Merry Christmas fuck bags
Get your Santa Smack here - snarg - 12-17-2004
hey santa, how bout some chanukah smack??
narg:
Get your Santa Smack here - Santa - 12-17-2004
No thanks! How about some homo with a cigarette smack?
Get your Santa Smack here - snarg - 12-17-2004
Santa Wrote:No thanks! How about some homo with a cigarette smack?
give it yer best shot, stool pusher
narg:
Get your Santa Smack here - CT280 - 12-18-2004
bring it, Donner dick.
Get your Santa Smack here - VitaminE - 12-18-2004
No shit, Step up snow blower!
Get your Santa Smack here - Anhil8tor - 12-18-2004
santa... what happened to the pming of gifts fukker?
did rudolph rupture your hemmoroids ass raping you with out lube?
did you catch miss clause getting it by a bunch of 2 and a half foot midgets?
step the fuck up fat man