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Well, that's not the most reassuring sound to hear...
#1

I had finally gotten the day off in...oh I don't even know how long. I sat on the brown leather chair, my back to the window. the sunlight was warm as it filtered in through the venetian blinds. They desperately needed dusting. I bent low and slung my arm beneath the chair, feeling around for my prized possession. My hand thudding against the box. I pulled it out from its hiding place, and a sly grin spread wide across my face.

I had found it.

It was reinforced rubber material, with a long thick tube running to a handpump.

"It's time...butt stuff time." I laughed to myself, the cat took notice of this and ran into the closet. I hadn't had time for her in quite a while, so I'm sure I would have to be gentle at first, but then again...who's really sure that anything is anything? Theories aside, my mind empty, I hunkered right the fuck down on the floor, and jammed this black football-shaped device into my rectum. I giggled like a school girl at prom ,and the man of my life was now being pumped up. It grew wider and bigger, and bigger and wider. I thought I'd reached a state of pure ecstasy, Nirvana, Heaven itself was before me now...and then it happened.

"THUUUUCK SHLUNK CHERK"

I wasn't really in pain, but I could tell it wasn't all right.I can't quite work my legs now, and my pelvis looks like a deflated ballon.

Not sure what to do here. Advice would be appreciated.

Shoot Straight . . . Conserve Ammo . . . And Never Ever Cut A Deal With A Dragon
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