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emails from an asshole
#1
http://dontevenreply.com/index.php
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#2
I spent an hour reading that website.I love it.


I sympathize with this guy.#1 99% of walmart shoppers should not breed.#2 look at his face.Does that look like the face of an irrational old coot?#3 he did say he was going to shut the child up.How bout some points for keeping your promises?

Busted For Slapping Stranger's Crying Child

Georgia man, 61, threatened to "shut that baby up" at Walmart


SEPTEMBER 2--Meet Roger Stephens. The Georgia man, 61, was shopping Monday morning at a Walmart in Stone Mountain when he crossed paths with Sonya Matthews and her two-year-old daughter Paige. The child was crying, which apparently greatly perturbed Matthews. "If you don't shut that baby up I will shut her up for you," Stephens warned Matthews, according to a Gwinnett County Police Department report. Moments later, Stephens acted on his threat, slapping Paige "across the face approximately four or five times." Though the child "started crying and screaming" after being struck, Stephens told Matthews, "See, I told you I would shut her up." After police were summoned, Stephens told a cop that the child was crying "and he just slapped her," according to the report. Stephens was arrested for felony cruelty to children and booked into the Gwinnett County Detention Center, where he is being held without bond. Paige sustained "slight redness to the face," but was otherwise unharmed.



[Image: 0902091slap1.jpg]




http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/yea...slap1.html
See You In Toledo
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#3
looks like harrison ford
I realise that I have a past to break with--an accumulation of inertia, wrong, foolishness, rot, junk.  A great need of clarification, of mindfulness, or rather, of no mind.  A need to return to genuine practice, right effort.  Need to push on the great doubt.  Need for the spirit.  Hang on to the clear light.
           
Thomas Merton


       
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#4
What does he look like when you arent masturbating?
See You In Toledo
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#5
huh??
I realise that I have a past to break with--an accumulation of inertia, wrong, foolishness, rot, junk.  A great need of clarification, of mindfulness, or rather, of no mind.  A need to return to genuine practice, right effort.  Need to push on the great doubt.  Need for the spirit.  Hang on to the clear light.
           
Thomas Merton


       
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#6
Thanks bird.

I laughed outloud at that site.
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#7
Handicapped Movers
Posted at: 2009-06-18 10:09:18
Original ad:
I am looking for help moving on June 23rd into my new apartment. We will need to load everything from my old apartment into a truck, and then drive to my new place and unload it. I have a lot of furniture that is very heavy, as well as a big screen tv that is bulky. We will need to lift a lot of this stuff down three flights of stairs since it won't fit in my elevator. I will pay $25/hr.
From Mike Anderson to *********@**********.org
Good afternoon!

I saw your ad asking for help moving your furniture into your new apartment. I was wondering if you would be interested in hiring my son. I need him to have a job like this so he can feel better about himself. He has been paralyzed from the neck down for five years now. I always encourage him to do normal things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. so he can still feel important even though he does not have the use of his arms or legs. This job would be a huge boost in his self-esteem and with a little help I am sure he can do it. Please consider him!

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
Mike,

I'm sorry, but I don't think this job would be appropriate for your son. A lot of the stuff I need to move is very large and heavy. He sounds like a good kid, but I don't think he would be able to do this. Thanks for the offer, though.

Jerry

From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,

I think you are underestimating my son. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I told him I got him a job and he was so excited. Do I really have to go and tell him that the guy changed his mind because he hates handicapped people?

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me

Oh man...

I don't hate handicapped people. I really just don't see how your son can help, no offense. How can he move anything with his arms and legs? You said he mows the lawn and takes out the trash, how is that even possible?

I apologize, but next time you shouldn't tell your son you got him a job before making sure it is ok with the employer.

Jerry

From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,

Don't tell me how to raise my son. You don't see me telling you how to move your furniture, do you? You never even met my son, and already you are telling me what he can and can't do. He does a great job mowing the lawn. We tied the lawn mower to the back of his wheelchair and he drags it around. You'd be surprised how much torque that wheelchair has. It makes him feel normal again.

I don't have the heart to tell him that he won't be doing this job, so would you be able to come over here and tell him yourself that you hate him and will not hire him? It is the least you could do.

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me

You've got to be kidding me. This conversation is over.
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#8
Original ad:
I am trying to get 2 tickets to the Nationals vs. Red Sox on Thursday, June 25th. I'm willing to pay up to $40.
From Mike Partlow to **********@**********.org

Hello, I do not have tickets to the Nationals, but I do have a video tape of my 7-year-old's little league team game last week. He plays for the Arby's Allstars, and they beat the Smith Hardware Little Leaguers. I am sure it will be way more entertaining than watching the Nationals get their ass whooped for the 49th time this season.

From austin ******* to Me

Fuck yourself, asshole.

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

Austin, my 7-year-old son was on the computer and he read your very offensive e-mail. Now he is going around telling everyone to "fuck themselves." Me and my wife tried to raise him to be a kid who doesn't curse, but thanks to your profanity, he thinks it is okay. I demand an apology from you.

From austin ******* to Me

You want my apology? Go fuck yourself.

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

I did have the tickets; I was just messing around with you. They were good seats - 10 rows back from third base. I was going to sell them both for $30. I would rather burn them, however, if you don't apologize. If you do apologize, the tickets will be yours.

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

I'm waiting...

From austin ******* to Me

I'm sorry about your kid.

From Mike Partlow to austin *******

Hah, what a sucker. I made you look like little bitch in front of my 7-year-old son. I don't actually have any tickets. Thanks for helping me teach my son a lesson about how not to keep your dignity.

Mike
See You In Toledo
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#9
ha, classic
[Image: boston.jpg]
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#10
snarg Wrote:looks like harrison ford

I thought the same thing...kinda freaky:blink:
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
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#11
thanks, fairy
these idiots refuse to recognize genius
I realise that I have a past to break with--an accumulation of inertia, wrong, foolishness, rot, junk.  A great need of clarification, of mindfulness, or rather, of no mind.  A need to return to genuine practice, right effort.  Need to push on the great doubt.  Need for the spirit.  Hang on to the clear light.
           
Thomas Merton


       
Reply
#12
Disguised weapons is great
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#13
Wood Chipper Rental
Posted at: 2009-12-23 11:41:39
Original ad:
670cc commercial wood chipper/shredder for sale. Little bit of rust but works great. Contact Joe - ***********@gmail.com
$4000 OBO
From Me to ***********@gmail.com:

Hi Joe,

Is the wood chipper still for sale?

Thanks,

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

Yes, I still have the wood chipper.

From Me to Joe ******:

I don't have $4000, but what I do have is $200 and a need for use of a wood chipper for about half an hour. Would I be able to rent it from you for $200?

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

I don't see why not. What are you using it for?

From Me to Joe ******:

Don't worry about that. So would I be able to swing by and pick it up in my truck, then bring it back about an hour later? I can leave my driver's license as collateral.

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

First you need to tell me what the chipper is being used for or you can find someone else.

From Me to Joe ******:

Okay, I'll try to explain my situation. My cat just had a litter of kittens, and I can't get rid of them. I tried giving them to my friends and putting ads online, but nobody wants them. I even tried releasing them into the wild but they keep coming back to my house. I can't stand these little fuckers pissing everywhere and clawing up my furniture. So I figure my next option is to put them down. I can't afford to have it done professionally, so I think a wood chipper would be the next most humane way. I looked up your model and saw it has a 6 inch input, which I think will be perfect for me.

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

.......................................wow. No.

From Me to Joe ******:

Why not? It is an easy $200 for you. Can't you just pretend I took it to mulch some wood?

Mike

From Joe ****** to Me:

No. You are a sick sick sick sick sick person.

From Me to Joe ******:

I'll give you $250 and throw in a free kitten (not mulched, of course). Plus, I thought about my plan some more, and I decided to put meow mix all around the input, and just leave the kittens near it. That way, if they get shredded, it is their own damn fault, and my hands are clean.

Mike
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#14
VitE will hate you.
Why do I keep this cesspool alive?
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#15
This just made me laugh till I cried:

Christmas Dinner
Posted at: 2009-12-06 12:21:18
Original ad:
we need profesional catering for our christmas day dinner party. must have experence catering. SERIOUS RESPONSES ONLY
From Me to ************@*********.org:

Hello,

I am writing in response to your ad looking for a caterer for your Christmas dinner party. I am a freelance chef with a lot of catering experience. I was the top chef at the world renowned Restauran de Bon Foodeux for over five years. If you are still looking for a caterer, let me know.

Thanks,

Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

michael thank you for responding. what are your rates? we are expeting about twenty people at are dinner party so will need enough food for all of them. can you supply the food and we reembirse you? also do you have a menu of mealss you cook for us to choose from?

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

Supplying the food will not be a problem. I have a wide variety of exquisite dishes for you to choose from, which I will list below. My rates are per person and it depends on the meal, but generally ranges from $20-$40 per person. Here are the meals I typically offer:

La Nouille du Triomphe
A meal of pure bliss and flavor - a delicious plate of ramen noodles boiled in the purest of water. Noodles can be flavored with either chicken or beef seasoning.

Le Repas du Fromage Délicieux
A mouthwatering bowl of easy mac cooked to perfection in a microwave. Served with a side of peanut M&Ms.

Le Repas de la Faim de Grande Personne
A delectably and savory microwaved TV dinner. The dish comes with two pieces of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, freshly grown vegetables and a satisfying brownie that is heated to absolute perfection.

Le Sandwich Rouge
A truly phenominal sandwich consisting of ketchup spread over a carefully microwaved piece of bread, and then topped with another piece of bread. Comes with a side of mayonnaise for dipping.

Dessert

Le Plat du Lait et de la Céréale
A satisfying end to your meal, this dessert consists of a bowl of fruit loops served with either skim or 2% milk. Milk can be substituted with water for those on a diet.

La Pâtisserie Bourrée
Individually wrapped twinkies that have been microwaved to sheer delight.

Let me know which meals you are interested in, and I can give you a quote on how much everything will cost.

Thank you,
Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

what the fuck you actully cater that shit to people ? yea im gonna serve easy mac and twinkies for christmas dinner are you fuckin kidding me. my son in college could make that shit!

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

The twinkes aren't for everyone. I understand if you are on a diet, but for me, nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus like a twinkie and some good easy mac. If you aren't interested in that meal, would you consider any of my other options? My personal favorite is Le Sandwich Rouge. That is also very affordable. For twenty people, it would probably cost you about $400.

Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

cut the bullshit fancy french names and call it a goddamn gross ass ketchup sanwich

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

I am personally offended that you are insulting my masterpiece meals. These are perfected family recipes that have been passed down for generations of chefs in my family. Cooking is my art, and for you to insult me without even trying my work is just plain rude.

Michael
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