[Anhil8tor]

The strong implication of the most recent item on ESPN.com regarding the decision of Miami authorities not to pursue charges against Falcons running back Michael Vick is that Vick had in his possession a bottle containing a secret compartment.

So what the hell was supposed to be in there, if not marijuana or some other contraband? Breath mints? Chewing tobacco?

Valtrex?

In our view, the fact that tests on the substance found in the secret compartment didn't lead to a conclusion that it was marijuana rehabilitates Vick's sinking image only among those members of the population who have no common sense.

As one reader astutely pointed out, Vick being caught in an airport with a bottle containing a secret compartment is no different than Onterrio Smith being found with a Whizzinator. Smith had no drugs on him, but it was obvious that the, um, device was aimed at concealing his marijuana habit.

And keep in mind the fact that the NFL's substance abuse policy can trigger scrutiny based solely on behavior, not a positive test. So if Vick isn't already in the program, he very well could be based on last week's events.

[Anhil8tor]

We were shocked, but not surprised, by Chris Mortensen's report that Michael Vick will be exonerated for the incident involving a water bottle with a secret compartment and a pungent smell and a small brown particle that most likely wasn't a booger.

Vick, who did not publicly proclaim his innocence, likely (in our opinion) purchased a high-priced lawyer who pressured the powers-that-be in Miami into dropping the matter. The tactics likely (in our opinion) included a passionate plea regarding the difficulty of proving beyond a reasonable doubt that the bottle fished out of a recycling been by a TSA worker was the same bottle Vick had tossed in there, and maybe a thinly-veiled threat or two that the lawyer would start suing people into the Stone Age if the matter didn't go away quickly.

And that's where the report isn't completely clear. Was the contention that the bottle with a secret compartment didn't belong to Vick, or was it that the bottle with the secret compartment was Vick's, but that it didn't have any marijuana in it?

If it's the latter, it hardly means that Vick is clean. Why would he even own a water bottle with a secret compartment if he wasn't going to stick stuff in it that he shouldn't have in the first place?

And if it was Vick's bottle, look for Vick to still be in hot water with the Falcons.

Meanwhile, check out this hilarious segment from Saturday Night Live regarding the Vick ordeal. It's not quite "D--k In A Box" material, but it's funny nonetheless.