[Vitamin E]

Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror * make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.




Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on her pillow.

[Vitamin E]

You fukks can read 'em. I just pastin'.

[Vitamin E]

How to save the airlines.........
>>
>>Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first
>>place.
>>
>> Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking
>>strippers!
>>What the hell - the attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking.
>>They
>>don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers
>>would at
>>least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going
>>in the
>>cabin.
>>
>>
>> And, of course, every businessman in this country would start
>>flying
>>again, hoping to see naked women.
>>
>>
>> Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a
>>salary, thus saving even more money. Hell, I suspect tips would be
>>so good that we could charge the women for working and have them
>>kick back 20% of the tips.
>>
>>
>> Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing
>>naked
>>women.
>>
>> Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline
>>industry
>>would see record revenues.
>>
>> This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right - a
>>golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
>>
>> Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to
>>do everything myself?
>>
>>
>> Sincerely,
>>Bill Clinton

[Sassy]

How to save the airlines.........
>>
>>Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first
>>place.
>>
>> Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking
>>strippers!
>>What the hell - the attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking.
>>They
>>don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers
>>would at
>>least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going
>>in the
>>cabin.
>>
>>
>> And, of course, every businessman in this country would start
>>flying
>>again, hoping to see naked women.
>>
>>
>> Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a
>>salary, thus saving even more money. Hell, I suspect tips would be
>>so good that we could charge the women for working and have them
>>kick back 20% of the tips.
>>
>>
>> Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing
>>naked
>>women.
>>
>> Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline
>>industry
>>would see record revenues.
>>
>> This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right - a
>>golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
>>
>> Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to
>>do everything myself?
>>
>>
>> Sincerely,
>>Bill Clinton

What is it to you.
<br></br>
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Are you still located in ?
That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.What were we talking about again?
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Do not ask me any more questions please.
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . But I did not get that.
Can you tell me any gossip?
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about .
How do you usually introduce yourself?
And is .
What color are your eyes?

[Blondie]

That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.

Seriously.

[Sassy]

That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.

Seriously.

I am always serious.

[Bill]

is this the new morning spam?

[Sassy]

is this the new morning spam?

Yes I think this is , but I'm not completely sure.

[Vitamin E]

What is it to you. Just pease and chicken grease.
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author? That silly dude who wrote the Bible. Old Boy's got an absolutely twisted sense of humor.
Are you still located in ? Yes
That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.What were we talking about again? Keep up or shut up, there's no going back.
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? You're my dream bot.
Do not ask me any more questions please. Why not?
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . But I did not get that.
Can you tell me any gossip? Wrong board, try WTF, they're renouned for it.
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about .
How do you usually introduce yourself? PMing hook pics.
And is .
What color are your eyes? Green, and they're uber sexy.

[Vitamin E]

is this the new morning spam?

I've given the idea of moving PM SPAM to a more deserving board some thought

[Vitamin E]

I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!"
>>
>>Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I
>>really
>>sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."
>>
>>The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you here today
>>When I
>>feel like that, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That
>>makes
>>everything better and I go to work. You try that."
>>
>>Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I
>>feel great.
>>I be at work soon.........You got nice house.

[Vitamin E]

"Trucker In Need"

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen, sweetheart, I ain't horny; I'm homesick."

[Vitamin E]

> Due to the climate of political correctness now
> pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennessee's and West
> Virginians will no longer be referred to as
> "HILLBILLIES."You must now refer to us as
> APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS. And furthermore ...
>
> HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY
> CORRECT: 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" –
>
> She is a "BREASTED HUMAN BEING." 2. She is not a
> "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" –
>
> She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE." 3. She is not "EASY"
> –
>
> She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE." 4. She is not a
> "DUMB BLONDE" –
>
> She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION
> SUPERHIGHWAY." 5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" –
>
> She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION" 6. She is
> not an "AIRHEAD" –
>
> She is "REALITY IMPAIRED." 7. She does not get
> "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" –
>
> She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED" 8. She does
> not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" –
>
> She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED." 9. She does not "NAG"
> you –
>
> She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE." 10. She is not a
> "TRAMP" –
>
> She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED." 11. She does not have
> "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" –
>
> She is "PICTORIALLY SUPERIOR."12. She is not a
> "TWO-BIT HOOKER" –
>
> She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER." HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN
> AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a
> "BEER GUT" –
>
> He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
> 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY
> CAUCASIAN." 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" –
>
>
> He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS." 4. He is
> not "BALDING" –
>
> He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION." 5. He is not a
> "CRADLE ROBBER" –
>
> He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
> RELATIONSHIPS." 6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN
> DRUNK" –
>
> He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL." 7. He does not
> act like a "TOTAL ASS" –
>
> He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
> 8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" –
>
> He has "SWINE EMPATHY." 9. He is not afraid of
> "COMMITMENT" –
>
> He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED." 10. He is not
> "HORNY" –
>
> He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED." 11. It's not his "CRACK"
> you see hanging out of his pants –
>
> It's "REAR CLEAVAGE