[Spyker]

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[Bird35]

Spyker. I think it was mistaken identity.

It could have been any number of us Birds in that photo, dude.

[Bird34]

I hope he's not going to the Ownster jail.

[BIRD33]

rdrr.

[Spyker]

holy shit, my head hurts now

[BIRD33]

I'm going to use this douchebags thread as a way to let you retards help me write a bestmans speech that I have to give next week.It's for a friend of mine whom Ive known since first grade who's marrying a chick in Utah.This is his second wedding, the first I wasnt invited to because his ex thought I was a bad influence and a jerk(ridiculous I know).Feel free to include any funny jokes or ideas you've seen during past weddings you've been to and I might use them but never tell you or give you any credit.Keep in mind this isnt my first best mans speech and Ive already set the bar pretty high with my last one so try to not be not funny.Thanks.

[leeman]

A good start would be ...

"Well since you misserably failed your first one ...
Do yo have any hopes at all for this one ????"

[Anhil8tor]

How about the

"I don't feel like I'm losing a friend, I feel like i'm gaining one"

[WoolyGoat]

I miss 34 and 35. Those were the days.

[BIRD33]

You've still got me, buddy?

[Spyker]

what?

[BIRD33]

My speech was a success.People from Utah are slow.

[what?]

My speech was a success.People from Utah are slow.

coincidence?

[BIRD33]

Definitly.

[BIRD33]

Utah beer is the worst in the nation.I got there and had three pounders in an hour and felt nothing but bloated.I ended up drinking a case of beer the first day and had the worst fucking hangover the next day.I think its a combo of 3% beer and the elevation.

[what?]

Utah beer is the worst in the nation.I got there and had three pounders in an hour and felt nothing but bloated.I ended up drinking a case of beer the first day and had the worst fucking hangover the next day.I think its a combo of 3% beer and the elevation.

instead of rocky mountain streams they use water from the salt lake. makes you retain water

[BIRD33]

The one good thing I'll say about slc is the women.they are all blond and fucking hot.They all seem nice but dumb as balls.

People drive like retards.The food blows.It's hot as shit but no humidity.

I usually can run 4-5 miles no problem but I went on a run the day of the wedding and got a mile and a half and almost had a stroke because of the elevation.

My friend is now a holy roller so every time he introduced me to someone in his new family they were like "oh Ive heard about you!" because whenever he wants to tell a funny story about his past that might not be very god like he substitutes my name for his.It was a subtle form of cock blocking Ive never encountered.

[Spyker]

what?