11-03-2005, 06:39 AM
First and foremost, I would like to thank you for being so fashionably late. While the rest of the girls in my class were squealing with delight at the arrival of âAunt Floâ, my mother was dragging me to the doctor. 16. Yes, 16 years old and my mother is accompanying me to the doctors office asking repeatedly, âWhatâs wrong with HER?â I will never forget the look of pity the doctor gave me as my mother pointed out that I had gotten my boobies, so why not my period? That was fun.
Now, when you finally did arrive, instead of maybe giving me a chance to rejoice in the fact that I would actually get to USE the tampons I had been carrying around with me for 5 years, (you know, just in case) - you put me out of commission for a full 72 hours. Mom, you wanted this for me?
Over the years, we lived togetherâ¦I learned that a concoction of Midol and coffee, and a heating pad shoved down my pants allowed me to walk when you were visiting. I also learned that my sisters, my own flesh and blood, loved to talk about how their periods lasted maybe 24 hours and they âbarely felt a thing.â Bitches.
Now, all of thisâ¦all of this I could take. But when you would show up completely unannouncedâ¦sometimes early(!) and ALWAYS at the WORST timeâ¦.oh my god, I will never forget landing the hottest most fabulous crush of my young life â and after hours of hot and heavy action in the park by my house â knock, knock! Whoâs freaking there?? YOU MY STUPID PERIOD!!!
And psychologically, you have taken quite a toll. Maybe my brain knows youâre coming, but seriously, for at least one week before youâre hereâ¦.I turn into a monster. People run away screaming. I have broken up perfectly normal, happy relationships due to this, have caused irreversible rifts between family members, I think I may have been fired once because of itâ¦but I would have to say that those most affected, are workers in the service industryâ¦checkers, servers, toll booth operators, baristos and baristas â you name it. They have all felt my wrath. Even now, the love of my life, the man I will most likely marryâ¦seems to have mastered the âyes dearsâ and âyouâre absolutely rightsâ necessary to make it through this monstrous monthly transformation. If I were him, I would break up with me!
Mr. Period, (yes, if periods have a sex, they are definitely male), even after all this â I am hoping to compromise. Hoping to make peace. Youâve been gone for 34 days and this is highly unusual. Iâm thinking, that maybe if we learn to live together, we can try again? Please? Come back? This canât be good. Iâve heard some very interesting stories about periods that leaveâ¦and while Iâm not exactly missing you â Iâm REALLY wondering where you went! Hello? Period?
Not me, but it was funny, nontheless!
Now, when you finally did arrive, instead of maybe giving me a chance to rejoice in the fact that I would actually get to USE the tampons I had been carrying around with me for 5 years, (you know, just in case) - you put me out of commission for a full 72 hours. Mom, you wanted this for me?
Over the years, we lived togetherâ¦I learned that a concoction of Midol and coffee, and a heating pad shoved down my pants allowed me to walk when you were visiting. I also learned that my sisters, my own flesh and blood, loved to talk about how their periods lasted maybe 24 hours and they âbarely felt a thing.â Bitches.
Now, all of thisâ¦all of this I could take. But when you would show up completely unannouncedâ¦sometimes early(!) and ALWAYS at the WORST timeâ¦.oh my god, I will never forget landing the hottest most fabulous crush of my young life â and after hours of hot and heavy action in the park by my house â knock, knock! Whoâs freaking there?? YOU MY STUPID PERIOD!!!
And psychologically, you have taken quite a toll. Maybe my brain knows youâre coming, but seriously, for at least one week before youâre hereâ¦.I turn into a monster. People run away screaming. I have broken up perfectly normal, happy relationships due to this, have caused irreversible rifts between family members, I think I may have been fired once because of itâ¦but I would have to say that those most affected, are workers in the service industryâ¦checkers, servers, toll booth operators, baristos and baristas â you name it. They have all felt my wrath. Even now, the love of my life, the man I will most likely marryâ¦seems to have mastered the âyes dearsâ and âyouâre absolutely rightsâ necessary to make it through this monstrous monthly transformation. If I were him, I would break up with me!
Mr. Period, (yes, if periods have a sex, they are definitely male), even after all this â I am hoping to compromise. Hoping to make peace. Youâve been gone for 34 days and this is highly unusual. Iâm thinking, that maybe if we learn to live together, we can try again? Please? Come back? This canât be good. Iâve heard some very interesting stories about periods that leaveâ¦and while Iâm not exactly missing you â Iâm REALLY wondering where you went! Hello? Period?
Not me, but it was funny, nontheless!
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