02-08-2005, 07:59 PM
[indent][b]Aries (March 21 - April 19) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Some strange "hooting" creature will hide in your bushes today. You should be able to drive it off by whacking the bushes soundly with a kitchen broom. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Nobody will notice your new haircut, which you will find intensely irritating. It's not as if you always had an irridescent green mohawk, you know? [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will quit your job, run away from home, and spend the rest of your days working on a shrimp trawler, under an assumed name. Personally, I think that's over-reacting. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]People will tease you about wearing your golf shoes indoors. Don't you mind them, though -- they're undoubtedly just jealous. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will find yourself in a huge handbasket, before the end of the day, and it will be getting much warmer than you like. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will suddenly realise how sensuous pudding can be. This will mark a turning point in your life. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will spend today in a state of mild anxiety. Probably Ohio. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Everyone you see will be "power walking" today. Ignore them -- they're just trying to get on your nerves. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Remember: loose lips sink ships. The really strange thing is, nobody's ever been able to explain to me why ships have lips in the first place, especially if they're that risky. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will independently re-discover an old Celtic trick, which will help considerably with an upcoming math test. In particular, you'll find that painting yourself blue may do little for your own mathematical abilities, but it will be a significant distraction for everyone else. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Your perfume or cologne has too much patchoulli. Only an idiot wears patchoulli. Or a witch. Hmm. Er, never mind. Wear whatever you like. I'm sure it's quite nice. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Arachnids will be especially troublesome today. Chances are only fair that you will make it through the day without tangling with one or more giant Amazonian tarantulas. Keep a stick within reach, is my advice. A big stick. [/indent][/indent]
[/indent][indent][indent]Some strange "hooting" creature will hide in your bushes today. You should be able to drive it off by whacking the bushes soundly with a kitchen broom. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Nobody will notice your new haircut, which you will find intensely irritating. It's not as if you always had an irridescent green mohawk, you know? [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will quit your job, run away from home, and spend the rest of your days working on a shrimp trawler, under an assumed name. Personally, I think that's over-reacting. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]People will tease you about wearing your golf shoes indoors. Don't you mind them, though -- they're undoubtedly just jealous. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will find yourself in a huge handbasket, before the end of the day, and it will be getting much warmer than you like. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will suddenly realise how sensuous pudding can be. This will mark a turning point in your life. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will spend today in a state of mild anxiety. Probably Ohio. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Everyone you see will be "power walking" today. Ignore them -- they're just trying to get on your nerves. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Remember: loose lips sink ships. The really strange thing is, nobody's ever been able to explain to me why ships have lips in the first place, especially if they're that risky. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will independently re-discover an old Celtic trick, which will help considerably with an upcoming math test. In particular, you'll find that painting yourself blue may do little for your own mathematical abilities, but it will be a significant distraction for everyone else. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Your perfume or cologne has too much patchoulli. Only an idiot wears patchoulli. Or a witch. Hmm. Er, never mind. Wear whatever you like. I'm sure it's quite nice. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Arachnids will be especially troublesome today. Chances are only fair that you will make it through the day without tangling with one or more giant Amazonian tarantulas. Keep a stick within reach, is my advice. A big stick. [/indent][/indent]
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