[Bill]

American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's
suggestion the following warning labels be placed
immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to
your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
is a major factor in dancing
like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again
you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may cause you to think you
can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may lead you to believe ex-
lovers are really dying for
you to telephone them at
four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you can
logically converse with mem-
bers of the opposite sex with
out spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
is the leading cause of inex-
plicable rug burns on the
forehead, knees and lower
back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may create the illusion you
are tougher, smarter, faster
and better looking than most
people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may lead you to think people
are laughing with you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: the konsumshun of alcohol
may Mack you tink you can
tipe reel gude