06-23-2004, 12:58 AM
Read my thread about face fucking Tom. It's true.
Entertain Me
06-23-2004, 02:09 AM
THIS is an entertaining story. Disturbing, fut funny as shit. RACK SaladTosser's stories.
In 1986, I was in Army basic training at Fort Knox, Ky. During our limited down time, we did a lot of stupid shit to try to entertain ourselves. One night, a guy who didn't get along with hardly anyone, chirped up out of nowhere and proudly proclaimed "I can jerk off in less than 10 seconds." We quickly called bullshit, and challenged the guy to a wager.
We went around the entire barracks, and scraped up about $175 (a decent amount of money for a bunch of Privates at the time). We then proceeded to jam into the Recreational Room for "showtime." The only stipulation this guy made was that he needed to be fully hard before we started the clock. About 75 or so guys packed into the room while this cat "prepped himself" in the bathroom. He then appeared in the Rec Room wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a raging hard-on. He slowly stroked it to keep it hard while the official timekeeper set the stopwatch. He gave him the old "on your mark, get set, go" and then dude went nuts. He started jacking his shit in front of 75 guys like it was nobodies business. He had some sort of lotion or creme on it (the legality of which is still in debate to this day).
Anywho, lotion flew everywhere and the sounds of his hand, meat and the lotion were fucking nausiating. Sure enough though, dude sprayed batter in less than 8 seconds. It was the most epic showing of self-public-embarrassment that I have seen to this day. Dude could have cared less. Everytime someone tried to fuck with him about it, or call him faggott, he simply responded "Get up another $175 and I'll do it again, or else shut the fuck up."
In 1986, I was in Army basic training at Fort Knox, Ky. During our limited down time, we did a lot of stupid shit to try to entertain ourselves. One night, a guy who didn't get along with hardly anyone, chirped up out of nowhere and proudly proclaimed "I can jerk off in less than 10 seconds." We quickly called bullshit, and challenged the guy to a wager.
We went around the entire barracks, and scraped up about $175 (a decent amount of money for a bunch of Privates at the time). We then proceeded to jam into the Recreational Room for "showtime." The only stipulation this guy made was that he needed to be fully hard before we started the clock. About 75 or so guys packed into the room while this cat "prepped himself" in the bathroom. He then appeared in the Rec Room wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a raging hard-on. He slowly stroked it to keep it hard while the official timekeeper set the stopwatch. He gave him the old "on your mark, get set, go" and then dude went nuts. He started jacking his shit in front of 75 guys like it was nobodies business. He had some sort of lotion or creme on it (the legality of which is still in debate to this day).
Anywho, lotion flew everywhere and the sounds of his hand, meat and the lotion were fucking nausiating. Sure enough though, dude sprayed batter in less than 8 seconds. It was the most epic showing of self-public-embarrassment that I have seen to this day. Dude could have cared less. Everytime someone tried to fuck with him about it, or call him faggott, he simply responded "Get up another $175 and I'll do it again, or else shut the fuck up."
BIRD33 Wrote:Im guessing BEW's vag loks like a hotdog that exploded in the microwave.
06-23-2004, 02:26 AM
That is an entertaining, and disturbing, story. Ok, I have one, not as good, but funny nonetheless.
A friend of mine is friends with a cop (yes cop, not mountie) who works in a shit hole town in redneck Alberta here. Most of the people that get arrested are charged with public drunkeness or other altered state, and have to spend the night in the drunk tank. One night, this big fella was arrested for being stoned and drunk, and he was causing quite a stir in the drunk tank. Pissing on other inmates, shitting on the floor, etc. So one of the cops went home, picked up a pink bunny Halloween costume from his parents house and went back to the cop shop. They moved the obnoxious guy to a different cell and waited until he almost passed out. Then one of them put on the pink bunny costume, went into the jail cell, and proceeded to beat the shit out of the guy.
Not very ethical, I guess, but can you imagine telling your friends you were beat up by a pink bunny in jail?
A friend of mine is friends with a cop (yes cop, not mountie) who works in a shit hole town in redneck Alberta here. Most of the people that get arrested are charged with public drunkeness or other altered state, and have to spend the night in the drunk tank. One night, this big fella was arrested for being stoned and drunk, and he was causing quite a stir in the drunk tank. Pissing on other inmates, shitting on the floor, etc. So one of the cops went home, picked up a pink bunny Halloween costume from his parents house and went back to the cop shop. They moved the obnoxious guy to a different cell and waited until he almost passed out. Then one of them put on the pink bunny costume, went into the jail cell, and proceeded to beat the shit out of the guy.
Not very ethical, I guess, but can you imagine telling your friends you were beat up by a pink bunny in jail?
06-23-2004, 06:32 PM
BUMP. Not enough people read tom's story or mine. And they are funny. In my opinion. Your mileage may vary. 
06-23-2004, 09:25 PM
Those were both funny stories. Why didn't yall give me this effort when I first posted a thread like this? 
I demand the world but offer nothing in return.
06-23-2004, 09:29 PM
Quote:Originally posted by fem@Jun 23 2004, 07:25 PMI forgot about that story until tom posted his whacking story.
Those were both funny stories. Why didn't yall give me this effort when I first posted a thread like this?
06-23-2004, 09:29 PM
I tried my best fem. Sorry you didn't like **sulks in corner**
06-23-2004, 09:36 PM
Quote:Originally posted by fem@Jun 23 2004, 07:25 PMBecause your thread sucked.
Those were both funny stories. Why didn't yall give me this effort when I first posted a thread like this?
BIRD33 Wrote:Im guessing BEW's vag loks like a hotdog that exploded in the microwave.
06-23-2004, 09:40 PM
Quote:Originally posted by iamabanana@Jun 23 2004, 12:26 AMGood times, good times.
Can you imagine telling your friends you were beat up by a pink bunny in jail?
06-24-2004, 03:35 AM
Man, that one about basic brings back memories.
We had a guy who was really poor. He was always trying to think up insane things to do to make a few bucks.
A list of items he ate (for an average of $5 a piece)
A bite from a very used urinal cake.
A string from a mop used to clean out the bathrooms.
A tissue used to wipe the urinal rims. Complete with stray pubes.
I figured the guys just had a thing for urine.
We had a guy who was really poor. He was always trying to think up insane things to do to make a few bucks.
A list of items he ate (for an average of $5 a piece)
A bite from a very used urinal cake.
A string from a mop used to clean out the bathrooms.
A tissue used to wipe the urinal rims. Complete with stray pubes.
I figured the guys just had a thing for urine.
I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right?
06-24-2004, 05:39 AM
Quote:Originally posted by SanDog@Jun 24 2004, 01:35 AMTHIS is entertaining. Thanks SanDog :m: B)
Man, that one about basic brings back memories.
We had a guy who was really poor. He was always trying to think up insane things to do to make a few bucks.
A list of items he ate (for an average of $5 a piece)
A bite from a very used urinal cake.
A string from a mop used to clean out the bathrooms.
A tissue used to wipe the urinal rims. Complete with stray pubes.
I figured the guys just had a thing for urine.
BIRD33 Wrote:Im guessing BEW's vag loks like a hotdog that exploded in the microwave.
06-24-2004, 06:02 AM
I went to Ft. Benning for BASIC. We had a guy from Louisiana who had no shame. He'd talk about fucking alligators and shit just to get a laugh out of people. After we had been there a few weeks, he started talking about jerking off in the middle of the afternoon and nobody figure he was serious.
One Sunday (one of the few Sundays we had off), everybody was milling around doing their thing when all of a sudden people started moving to our side of the barracks and looking at his bunk. He had his wool blankey over his head and was stroking for everything he was worth. After a short time he sped up then suddenly stopped. After about 10 seconds, he pulled the blankets off his head and sighed outloud.
The whole room was in shock. He laid there for a couple more minutes, pulled up his boxers, and went to take a shower, never saying a word about what he had just done. Funniest shit I've ever seen...
:lmao:
One Sunday (one of the few Sundays we had off), everybody was milling around doing their thing when all of a sudden people started moving to our side of the barracks and looking at his bunk. He had his wool blankey over his head and was stroking for everything he was worth. After a short time he sped up then suddenly stopped. After about 10 seconds, he pulled the blankets off his head and sighed outloud.
The whole room was in shock. He laid there for a couple more minutes, pulled up his boxers, and went to take a shower, never saying a word about what he had just done. Funniest shit I've ever seen...
:lmao:
06-24-2004, 06:54 AM
Quote:Originally posted by TomFoolery_420+Jun 24 2004, 03:39 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TomFoolery_420 @ Jun 24 2004, 03:39 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'> <!--QuoteBegin-SanDog@Jun 24 2004, 01:35 AMTHIS is entertaining. Thanks SanDog :m: B) [/b][/quote]
Man, that one about basic brings back memories.
We had a guy who was really poor. He was always trying to think up insane things to do to make a few bucks.
A list of items he ate (for an average of $5 a piece)
A bite from a very used urinal cake.
A string from a mop used to clean out the bathrooms.
A tissue used to wipe the urinal rims. Complete with stray pubes.
I figured the guys just had a thing for urine.
Thanks, Tom. Just add me to the list of people you would like to meet.
I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right?
06-24-2004, 06:59 AM
Quote:Originally posted by mad_hatter@Jun 23 2004, 07:29 PMMad, you know you entertained me!!! That was awesome!!!!!
**sulks in corner**
I demand the world but offer nothing in return.
06-24-2004, 07:05 AM
:wub: I'm "awesome" :lmf:
09-01-2004, 01:34 AM
When I was in 8th grade a guy in our school made us pay $1.00 to watch him fuck his sister behind the gymnasium. There were probably 7 or 8 of us that paid. While he was fucking her she just looked at us and smiled. Her pants were around her ankles and her shirt was pulled up over her bra. After he fucked her shit got up like no big deal and used her brother's t shirt to wipe between her legs. He thought that was gross and punched her.
I wasn't as interested in sex after that day for a while.
I wasn't as interested in sex after that day for a while.
![[Image: line.gif]](http://www.goranot.com/jokes/line.gif)
09-01-2004, 01:39 AM
Quote:Originally posted by army1@Aug 31 2004, 04:34 PMWHAT????
When I was in 8th grade a guy in our school made us pay $1.00 to watch him fuck his sister behind the gymnasium. There were probably 7 or 8 of us that paid. While he was fucking her she just looked at us and smiled. Her pants were around her ankles and her shirt was pulled up over her bra. After he fucked her shit got up like no big deal and used her brother's t shirt to wipe between her legs. He thought that was gross and punched her.
I wasn't as interested in sex after that day for a while.
[snapback]67747[/snapback]
ETA - :|
ETA again - I can't stop laughing right now. That's fucked up. :llma:
09-01-2004, 01:41 AM
Quote:Originally posted by army1@Aug 31 2004, 11:34 PM
When I was in 8th grade a guy in our school made us pay $1.00 to watch him fuck his sister behind the gymnasium. There were probably 7 or 8 of us that paid. While he was fucking her she just looked at us and smiled. Her pants were around her ankles and her shirt was pulled up over her bra. After he fucked her shit got up like no big deal and used her brother's t shirt to wipe between her legs. He thought that was gross and punched her.
I wasn't as interested in sex after that day for a while.
[snapback]67747[/snapback]
That girl had to be Snd...
Tom, your story was hilarious.
09-01-2004, 01:41 AM
Quote:Originally posted by army1@Aug 31 2004, 11:34 PM
When I was in 8th grade a guy in our school made us pay $1.00 to watch him fuck his sister behind the gymnasium. There were probably 7 or 8 of us that paid. While he was fucking her she just looked at us and smiled. Her pants were around her ankles and her shirt was pulled up over her bra. After he fucked her shit got up like no big deal and used her brother's t shirt to wipe between her legs. He thought that was gross and punched her.
I wasn't as interested in sex after that day for a while.
[snapback]67747[/snapback]
Holy Shit! :o Rack! :lol:
09-01-2004, 06:09 AM
Nothing to entertaining other than this one kid that came to my house hella smashed. We had him eat cigars, drink moldy oj, beer bong piss, and he beat the shit out of himself and a tree. Ahhh what a day untill his dad threatened to kill me.
One part of the Trailer Trash Alliance
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