10-21-2006, 10:34 PM
It's been a while: enjoy
[INDENT][B]Aries (March 21 - April 19) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Fortune will smile upon you today. Actually, it's more of a smirk. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Excellent day to devour fruit, while making snarling sounds and glaring at persons nearby. Next, tear the heads off the carnations and stuff them partway up your nose, and make strange wuffling sounds while vigorously wiggling your eyebrows. Or don't, if you're going to be stuffy. It's your life. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]It's time for you to consider being kinder to your feet. And stop taking them for granted! For example, when's the last time you sat down and had a nice friendly chat with them? Do it today! [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Today you will join the political action group "Whiners For Peace", and will call up your senator's office and whine at them. Don't forget to sign up for the big "Pout Out" next month! [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Today, by practicing for hours in the mirror, you will finally be able to keep a "stiff upper lip." Much to everyone's surprise, it will prove to be an excellent boost to your career. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Your obsession with Lapsang Souchong tea takes a turn for the worse, today, as you begin secretly soaking your undergarments in it. Professional help is indicated. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Rhubarb pie is the only antidote for your ailment. Trust me on this one. Also, someone's been teasing your cat. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]You will spend another day surrounded by idiots, or perhaps by well meaning but simple folks, who will drone on and on until your smile becomes forced, and you will begin to look like a deranged rodent. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Birds figure heavily in your day, today. My advice? Wear a hat. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]You will have a secret rendezvous with a representative of a large foreign corporation. The password will be "fling me a spicy burrito, Stanley." Unfortunately, you may have to say this to quite a few people before you find the right one. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]That bad smell in the closet will get stronger. Time to investigate. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]You will notice an odd stone "egg" in an antique shop. Don't bring it home. They're very hungry right after they hatch. [/INDENT][/INDENT]
[INDENT][B]Aries (March 21 - April 19) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Fortune will smile upon you today. Actually, it's more of a smirk. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Excellent day to devour fruit, while making snarling sounds and glaring at persons nearby. Next, tear the heads off the carnations and stuff them partway up your nose, and make strange wuffling sounds while vigorously wiggling your eyebrows. Or don't, if you're going to be stuffy. It's your life. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]It's time for you to consider being kinder to your feet. And stop taking them for granted! For example, when's the last time you sat down and had a nice friendly chat with them? Do it today! [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Today you will join the political action group "Whiners For Peace", and will call up your senator's office and whine at them. Don't forget to sign up for the big "Pout Out" next month! [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Today, by practicing for hours in the mirror, you will finally be able to keep a "stiff upper lip." Much to everyone's surprise, it will prove to be an excellent boost to your career. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Your obsession with Lapsang Souchong tea takes a turn for the worse, today, as you begin secretly soaking your undergarments in it. Professional help is indicated. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Rhubarb pie is the only antidote for your ailment. Trust me on this one. Also, someone's been teasing your cat. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]You will spend another day surrounded by idiots, or perhaps by well meaning but simple folks, who will drone on and on until your smile becomes forced, and you will begin to look like a deranged rodent. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]Birds figure heavily in your day, today. My advice? Wear a hat. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]You will have a secret rendezvous with a representative of a large foreign corporation. The password will be "fling me a spicy burrito, Stanley." Unfortunately, you may have to say this to quite a few people before you find the right one. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]That bad smell in the closet will get stronger. Time to investigate. [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][B]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/B]
[/INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]You will notice an odd stone "egg" in an antique shop. Don't bring it home. They're very hungry right after they hatch. [/INDENT][/INDENT]