[leeman]

"You know you're a redneck when......


1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.


2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.


3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.


4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.


5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines y! our furniture.

7.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. You! r house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized
because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say
"Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood
and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation
because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

[Bill]

"You know you're a redneck when......


1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
Not true, It just means you had to pee.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
Rednecks use that sticky fly tape stuff. It reminds them of duct tape.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
I wouldn't know. I've only owned a boat for 1 year.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
two words, scotts program.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
It is something you do off the high dive.....isn't it?

6. The Salvation Army declines y! our furniture.
It has happened. ><

7.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
this has never happened.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
Naw. he lives around the corner. I just holler from the back door.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
eeeeww....you've never seen our dump.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Only on the patio table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Naw. that fuckin cat has gotten fast. It had to beat the dog.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
She's dead.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
in the cabinet under the sink.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
Not personally. I know someone who has though.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
What's wrong with that?

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
my tailer will hold 35. and I can get 2 in the back.:$

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
shit no. It'd make the engine light come on.

18. You! r house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
I had curtains in the van I used to own.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
Only those along the turn pike.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
><

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
na, I've never lived in colarado.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
nope

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
not even I'm that poor. but the do make good left over keepers....

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
those fuckers are getting big..

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
Never!

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
I don't own an ironing board.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
maybe, I was younge when that tornado hit.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
just that one time....I was drunk.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
Nope! never had jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
65 ain't fast!

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