05-19-2004, 02:34 AM
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
"dam" ..
- Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.
- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but
don't
start anything."
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't
serve food
in here."
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
- A blonde walks into a bar, again. Says she didn't see it.
- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony
wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this
taste funny to you?"
- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bu..m goes to the doc. Doc says
"I'll
give you some cream to put on it."
- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'. "
That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly "I
was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"
- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron.."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
- Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bulls$#@ before
- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's
have a
look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
checks his
teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?
Because
he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
- Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are
5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum
or my
dad......or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother
Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find
any.
- I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'noway, the
steaks
are too high'
- My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong
currant.
- Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with
nuts & hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "I'll man the guns,
you
drive"
- Did you know that 5 out of 4 people don't know anything about
fractions
- What did the circle say to the tangent line....Stop touching me!
"dam" ..
- Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.
- A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but
don't
start anything."
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't
serve food
in here."
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
- A blonde walks into a bar, again. Says she didn't see it.
- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony
wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this
taste funny to you?"
- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bu..m goes to the doc. Doc says
"I'll
give you some cream to put on it."
- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'. "
That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
- Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly "I
was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"
- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron.."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
- Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bulls$#@ before
- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's
have a
look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
checks his
teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?
Because
he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
- Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are
5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum
or my
dad......or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother
Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find
any.
- I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'noway, the
steaks
are too high'
- My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong
currant.
- Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with
nuts & hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "I'll man the guns,
you
drive"
- Did you know that 5 out of 4 people don't know anything about
fractions
- What did the circle say to the tangent line....Stop touching me!
