[Hambone]

The Party
Sam had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month; otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a huge, bearded man standing there.
"Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road... Having a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come by. About 5:00....."
"Great," says Sam, "after 6 months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you... There's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem," says Sam. "After 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em."
Again as he starts to leave, Lars stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
Sam says, "Well I get along pretty good with most people, I'll be alright. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Lars turns back from the door. "More'n likely be some wild sex, too."
"Now that's really not a problem," says Sam, warming to this party idea even more. "I've been all alone for 6 months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"
Lars stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."

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[Suicide Jim]

maybe another six months alone wouldn't be too bad.