12-23-2005, 05:53 PM
Dear Santa Claus,
This year, I have been a very passive aggressive old man. I have compulsively pillaged, and I have always helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of age-inappropriate pants this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring Valium. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my little brother, please bring methodone. For my doggy, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh – and for my pool boy, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Spider Man sheets, and front row tickets to Aaron Carter – plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.
Love,
Flumper Claus
PS: Please say hi to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Tom Foolery ? He has been a really corrupt coprophile all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog shit in their stocking. Thanks!
(I got nothing)
This year, I have been a very passive aggressive old man. I have compulsively pillaged, and I have always helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of age-inappropriate pants this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring Valium. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my little brother, please bring methodone. For my doggy, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh – and for my pool boy, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Spider Man sheets, and front row tickets to Aaron Carter – plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.
Love,
Flumper Claus
PS: Please say hi to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Tom Foolery ? He has been a really corrupt coprophile all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog shit in their stocking. Thanks!
(I got nothing)