06-02-2004, 11:49 PM
got these here
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Someone will soon approach you with an idea. Stay well clear of it.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will unearth a small stone figurine, while digging in a garden. If you set it on your television and put a small bowl of fruit in front of it, those unsightly warts should clear up in a week or two.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will be visited by creatures named Cthulhu, Nyarlathotep, Azathoth, Shub-Niggurath, Yog-Sothoth, Ithaqua, Tsathoggua, Dagon, and Bert. You will discover that all of them have atrocious table manners.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good time to get involved in the Fiber Arts. Why not see what you can do with Metamucil?
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will order the dinner "special" at a restaurant. You will regret this, however. Why? Okra.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Despite protests from a variety of organizations, you will organize a charity event called a "squid fling." Due in part to excellent media coverage, you will be quite successful. Mostly, though, you will succeed because nearly everyone has a secret desire to fling a squid.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Say something completely ordinary, today, but follow it with "Get it?" and a big grin. For example, "I'm wearing shoes. Get it?" See who gets it. Avoid them.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Having trouble sticking to that diet, aren't you? It's even harder when you see all those enticing commercials for fast food on TV. The trick to dealing with those is to use your imagination - mayonaisse becomes shaving cream, a burger becomes coompressed compost, and everything else is coated with synthetic motor oil. Which, these days, is pretty close to the truth.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Don't lose hope! Conditions like yours are painful and embarassing, but often clear up on their own.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will walk into a door frame today, and people will smirk. Remember though, they're smirking with you, not at you.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Those spiders are growing larger around your house, and it's becoming more of a challenge to escape. You may want to consider acquiring a flame thrower. (Hint: illicit nuclear dump nearby.)
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
This may be a little late, but heck, late is better than never. You know when they said to shop naked? They meant shopping on-line...
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Someone will soon approach you with an idea. Stay well clear of it.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will unearth a small stone figurine, while digging in a garden. If you set it on your television and put a small bowl of fruit in front of it, those unsightly warts should clear up in a week or two.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will be visited by creatures named Cthulhu, Nyarlathotep, Azathoth, Shub-Niggurath, Yog-Sothoth, Ithaqua, Tsathoggua, Dagon, and Bert. You will discover that all of them have atrocious table manners.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good time to get involved in the Fiber Arts. Why not see what you can do with Metamucil?
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will order the dinner "special" at a restaurant. You will regret this, however. Why? Okra.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Despite protests from a variety of organizations, you will organize a charity event called a "squid fling." Due in part to excellent media coverage, you will be quite successful. Mostly, though, you will succeed because nearly everyone has a secret desire to fling a squid.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Say something completely ordinary, today, but follow it with "Get it?" and a big grin. For example, "I'm wearing shoes. Get it?" See who gets it. Avoid them.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Having trouble sticking to that diet, aren't you? It's even harder when you see all those enticing commercials for fast food on TV. The trick to dealing with those is to use your imagination - mayonaisse becomes shaving cream, a burger becomes coompressed compost, and everything else is coated with synthetic motor oil. Which, these days, is pretty close to the truth.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Don't lose hope! Conditions like yours are painful and embarassing, but often clear up on their own.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will walk into a door frame today, and people will smirk. Remember though, they're smirking with you, not at you.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Those spiders are growing larger around your house, and it's becoming more of a challenge to escape. You may want to consider acquiring a flame thrower. (Hint: illicit nuclear dump nearby.)
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
This may be a little late, but heck, late is better than never. You know when they said to shop naked? They meant shopping on-line...
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