[leucetios]

Don't post in here if isn't funny. SRO.

[ntype]

Drink fault-finding guide
A solution to all of your drinking troubles

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Bar swaying.
Fault: Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress.
Solution: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

Symptom: Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar - if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.

Symptom: The opposite wall is covered in ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends.
Fault: You have fallen over forwards.
Solution: Same as for falling over backwards.

Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.
Solution: Check your watch to see if its opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim.
Fault: The pub is closing.
Solution: Panic.

[leucetios]

So, don't take this this the wrong way, but I think I am getting a fever.

cratch:

[what?]

Don't post in here if isn't funny. SRO.

so are you looking for funny replies or serious replies?


dumbfuck

[leucetios]

so are you looking for funny replies or serious replies?


dumbfuck

Seriously, I am only looking for funny replies ><

[Anhil8tor]

what?'s penis looks funny

[leucetios]

what?'s penis looks funny

Repost.

[ntype]

17 Signs Your Cat May Be Planning To Kill You

1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.

2. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.

3. He actually *does* have your tongue.

4. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the
couch.

5. Cyanide paw prints all over the house.

6. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.

7. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas,
you get a faint whiff of catnip.

8. Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."

9. Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew
looking at me? Mew looking at me punk?"

10. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.

11. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldgerg device that starts
with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped
on your bed.

12. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.

13. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your
doorstep.

14. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.

15. You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says "LEEV
AWL 2 KAT."

16. Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.

17. your computer mouse smells of tuna and you find strange websites about cats on your computer.