07-25-2004, 11:14 AM
Hillbilly couple, married for 10 years went to the Dr because they had no offspring. The Dr examines them and runs some tests, then asks "How often do you have intercourse ?"
"Inter-what?" they asked.
The medico decides it would be easier to demonstrate than try to explain, so he instructs the wife to undress and gives her a good seeing to.
When he's finished he talls the husband "Thats what she needs at least 3 times a week>"
"OK Doc, I'll bring her in Monday Wednesday and Friday"
******************************************************************************************
Paddy comes home and finds his wife and an english professor hard at it "What the hell do you think you're doing ?" he demands. The professor tells him "I'm performing intercourse." Paddy shrugs and says "Oh that's OK then, if I thought you were fucking her you'd be dead."
*****************************************************************************************
Man enters a Chinese massage parlour, strips and lays on his stomach. Girl massages him for awhile then tells him to turn over. Seeing his enormous erection she asks "You wanna wank"..... "Yes please!" he replies, and the girl leaves the room. Ten minutes later she returns and asks "You finished?"
***************************************************************************************
: A week after their marriage, the redneck newlyweds, Ed and Ronette,
paid a visit to their doctor.
"You ain't gonna believe this, Doc," said the husband. "My whacker's turnin' blue."
"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the redneck's penis really is
blue.
The doctor turns to the wife, "Are you using the diaphragm that I
prescribed for you?"
"Yep, Shore am," she replied brightly.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape."
*************************************************************************************
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and
pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of
your control top pantyhose."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed
him by his penis.
With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother."
*******************************************************************
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions,
so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the
old priest asks him to step out of the confessional
for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your
chest, and rub your chin with one hand.... and try
saying things like "yes, I see," and "yes, go on," and
"I understand."
The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with
one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the
old priest.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a
little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No
shit...what happened next?"
"Inter-what?" they asked.
The medico decides it would be easier to demonstrate than try to explain, so he instructs the wife to undress and gives her a good seeing to.
When he's finished he talls the husband "Thats what she needs at least 3 times a week>"
"OK Doc, I'll bring her in Monday Wednesday and Friday"
******************************************************************************************
Paddy comes home and finds his wife and an english professor hard at it "What the hell do you think you're doing ?" he demands. The professor tells him "I'm performing intercourse." Paddy shrugs and says "Oh that's OK then, if I thought you were fucking her you'd be dead."
*****************************************************************************************
Man enters a Chinese massage parlour, strips and lays on his stomach. Girl massages him for awhile then tells him to turn over. Seeing his enormous erection she asks "You wanna wank"..... "Yes please!" he replies, and the girl leaves the room. Ten minutes later she returns and asks "You finished?"
***************************************************************************************
: A week after their marriage, the redneck newlyweds, Ed and Ronette,
paid a visit to their doctor.
"You ain't gonna believe this, Doc," said the husband. "My whacker's turnin' blue."
"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the redneck's penis really is
blue.
The doctor turns to the wife, "Are you using the diaphragm that I
prescribed for you?"
"Yep, Shore am," she replied brightly.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape."
*************************************************************************************
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and
pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of
your control top pantyhose."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed
him by his penis.
With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother."
*******************************************************************
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions,
so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the
old priest asks him to step out of the confessional
for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your
chest, and rub your chin with one hand.... and try
saying things like "yes, I see," and "yes, go on," and
"I understand."
The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with
one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the
old priest.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a
little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No
shit...what happened next?"
