05-30-2006, 08:52 PM
I'm recruiting trolls, TIA.
Hi. I'm new here.
05-30-2006, 09:09 PM
I see I have found the bottom of the barrel.
n/m
n/m
05-31-2006, 05:19 PM
A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about
1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered
the money his parents gave him.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he
says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education
are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here
that will teach Ole Blue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do
I get him in That program?"
"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says,
"I'll get him into the course."
So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/
3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy
calls his father again.
"So how's Ole Blue doing, son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but
you just won't believe this! They've had such good results
with this program, that they've implemented a new one to
teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have
to do to get him in that program?"
"Just send $1,500, I'll get him in the class."
His father sends the money.
The boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his
father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read.
So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home, his father is all excited.
"Where's Ole Blue? I Just can't wait to see him talk and
read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This
morning, when I got out of the shower, Ole Blue was in the
living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the
morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me
and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that
little redhead who lives on Oak Street?"
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that damned dog
before he talks to your Mother!"
I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy."
1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered
the money his parents gave him.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he
says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education
are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here
that will teach Ole Blue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do
I get him in That program?"
"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says,
"I'll get him into the course."
So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/
3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy
calls his father again.
"So how's Ole Blue doing, son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but
you just won't believe this! They've had such good results
with this program, that they've implemented a new one to
teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have
to do to get him in that program?"
"Just send $1,500, I'll get him in the class."
His father sends the money.
The boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his
father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read.
So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home, his father is all excited.
"Where's Ole Blue? I Just can't wait to see him talk and
read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This
morning, when I got out of the shower, Ole Blue was in the
living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the
morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me
and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that
little redhead who lives on Oak Street?"
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that damned dog
before he talks to your Mother!"
I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy."
leeman Wrote:I love the meathead...
05-31-2006, 05:25 PM
BOUDREAUX IN COURT
Boudreaux had a bad vehicle accident, caused by a truck.
In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Boudreaux. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine," asked the lawyer?
Boudreaux responded, "Mais, Let me told you what happened. Me, I had jus loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into da . . . "
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine!"?
Boudreaux said, "Mais, me, I had jus got Bessie into da trailer and I was driving down da road . . . ."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Boudreaux's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".
Boudreaux thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Mais Cher as I was saying, me, I had jus loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and was driving her down da highway when dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. Me, I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into da udder. I was hurting, me, real bad and didn't want to move at tall. But, me, I could herd ole Bessie moanin and groanin. Me, I knew she was in some kind o' terrible shape just by her groans."
"Shortly after da accident, a Highway Patrolman, he came on da scene. He herd Bessie moanin' and groanin' so, him, he went over ta her. After he took himself a look at her, he took out his gun and shot her between da eyes.
Den da Patrolman came cross da road, gun in hand, and looked at me, and said 'How are you feeling?'"
"Now what da heck would you say?"
Boudreaux In The Coffee Shop
One day Boudreaux, him, he was sittin in his coffee shop, drinkin a pop, wen dis grate big fella come in and knocks him off da stool. The big fella say, "Dat was a karate chop frum Korea."
Boudreaux, him, he don't say nuttin, he jus get back on his stool an take anudder drink frum his pop. WHAM !, da big fella knock Boudreaux down agin an say, "Dat was a judo chop frum Japan."
Boudreaux still don't say nuttin, he jus get up an walk out of dat
coffee shop. Bout a hour later, Boudreaux come back in an witout sayin nuttin, he walk up to dat big fella an WHACK ! he knock dat big fella off his stool an knock him out cold.
Den Boudreaux tell da manager, "Mais, wen he wake tell him dat was a crowbar from da Home Depot !"
Boudreaux had a bad vehicle accident, caused by a truck.
In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Boudreaux. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine," asked the lawyer?
Boudreaux responded, "Mais, Let me told you what happened. Me, I had jus loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into da . . . "
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine!"?
Boudreaux said, "Mais, me, I had jus got Bessie into da trailer and I was driving down da road . . . ."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Boudreaux's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".
Boudreaux thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Mais Cher as I was saying, me, I had jus loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and was driving her down da highway when dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. Me, I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into da udder. I was hurting, me, real bad and didn't want to move at tall. But, me, I could herd ole Bessie moanin and groanin. Me, I knew she was in some kind o' terrible shape just by her groans."
"Shortly after da accident, a Highway Patrolman, he came on da scene. He herd Bessie moanin' and groanin' so, him, he went over ta her. After he took himself a look at her, he took out his gun and shot her between da eyes.
Den da Patrolman came cross da road, gun in hand, and looked at me, and said 'How are you feeling?'"
"Now what da heck would you say?"
Boudreaux In The Coffee Shop
One day Boudreaux, him, he was sittin in his coffee shop, drinkin a pop, wen dis grate big fella come in and knocks him off da stool. The big fella say, "Dat was a karate chop frum Korea."
Boudreaux, him, he don't say nuttin, he jus get back on his stool an take anudder drink frum his pop. WHAM !, da big fella knock Boudreaux down agin an say, "Dat was a judo chop frum Japan."
Boudreaux still don't say nuttin, he jus get up an walk out of dat
coffee shop. Bout a hour later, Boudreaux come back in an witout sayin nuttin, he walk up to dat big fella an WHACK ! he knock dat big fella off his stool an knock him out cold.
Den Boudreaux tell da manager, "Mais, wen he wake tell him dat was a crowbar from da Home Depot !"
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