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Horoscope 8/24 - Printable Version

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Horoscope 8/24 - leucetios - 08-24-2004

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
That bad smell in the closet will get stronger. Time to investigate.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today someone will accuse you of spending too much time with your computer. The way to handle that is to say you've got "lots of work to do." (And don't let them spot you fondly caressing it.)

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
After spending days learning to simultaneously pat your head and rub your tummy, you will move on today to patting your head and rubbing someone else's tummy.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will realize that you've always wanted to have the biggest ball of string in town, and will start collecting odd bits of string at every opportunity. Eventually, you will make it into the Guiness Book of World Records, right next to the Giant Happy Tape Ball record set by Mr. S. Boondoggle.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Remember: it usually helps convince everyone you are right, if you jump up and down and yell.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
So, you've decided to have children. Congratulations! You, er, do know that giving birth has been somewhat unfavorably compared to pushing a flaming log through your nostril? Just thought I'd mention that.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You need to stop accepting responsibility for your own life. Everything is actually the fault of that darned liberal media, you know. You'd be nearly perfect, or at least much thinner, if it wasn't for them.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
In a rather bizarre and unfortunate turn of events today, your lips will go ballistic. Shortly thereafter, your Ziggy Marley accent will kick in. You will be comforted to know that those are simply the first two signs of a "spaz attack", which is more common than most people realize, and usually non-fatal.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will quit your job, run away from home, and spend the rest of your days working on a shrimp trawler, under an assumed name. Personally, I think that's over-reacting.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Soon you will find yourself at another dull party, where the only person you know is who you came with. You'll need to use Tip #39 of my book "101 Ways To Break The Ice": Ask someone who they are, after introducing yourself. When they say their name, repeat it back to them as "YOU'RE Bill Smith???" "Uh, yes" "Well, you sure can't believe everything you hear, can you?" "What do you mean?" "Well, it's just that you don't look at ALL like a weasel, you know? Or at least, hardly at all."

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Your children will return, but they'll be unnaturally quiet and good-natured. Eventually, you'll discover how the switch was made.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
A man with a large machine will enter your house, and make you totally miserable.

Horoscope 8/24 - halfasleep - 08-24-2004

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
After spending days learning to simultaneously pat your head and rub your tummy, you will move on today to patting your head and rubbing someone else's tummy.




But not before I learn to walk and chew gum at the same time!

Horoscope 8/24 - CodeWarrior - 08-24-2004

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Your children will return, but they'll be unnaturally quiet and good-natured. Eventually, you'll discover how the switch was made.

I don't have kinds. YOU HAVE FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Horoscope 8/24 - APB - 08-24-2004

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Remember: it usually helps convince everyone you are right, if you jump up and down and yell.



:wootjump: :rant:



Are you convinced? :roll:

Horoscope 8/24 - Suicide Jim - 08-24-2004

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
That bad smell in the closet will get stronger. Time to investigate.

that's goddamn horrifying.