InsaneTrain Forums
Horoscope 8/5 - Printable Version

+- InsaneTrain Forums (https://insanetrain.com)
+-- Forum: General (https://insanetrain.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=4)
+--- Forum: General Forum (https://insanetrain.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=8)
+--- Thread: Horoscope 8/5 (/showthread.php?tid=8913)


Horoscope 8/5 - leucetios - 08-05-2004

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Excellent day to devour fruit, while making snarling sounds and glaring at persons nearby. Next, tear the heads off the carnations and stuff them partway up your nose, and make strange wuffling sounds while vigorously wiggling your eyebrows. Or don't, if you're going to be stuffy. It's your life.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Stop slouching, and sit up straight! How do you expect to get ahead in the world if you pay no attention to proper posture?

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Avoid yodelling today.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Things haven't been going well for you lately, and you're sinking into a fairly ugly bit of self-pity. You merely need to count your blessings! (1) You've got a tremendous talent, which some day may be in demand, (2) You're almost normal -- LOTS of people have extra appendages, (3)...

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Uh oh. Mars is out of alignment, again. Not a good day to hang out with stupid, violent, heavily-armed ex-convicts. Save that for tomorrow.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Someone you've never met will come up and nudge you today. You don't have to stand for that, though, and you should just nudge them right back.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You're in luck! What you thought was existential nausea is really only a mild case of salmonella poisoning. So you can sell back that Complete Works of Jean-Paul Sartre.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
People will stare at you today. Unknown to you, you are starting to look more and more like a large frog. A career in basketball may be in your future.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will make new friends, one of whom will eventually borrow a large sum of money from you, prior to skipping town. Try to avoid fatty foods.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
I see you making a special trip to the store today, to get something. It's in a sort of yellow-ish little box, about the size of a toothpaste box, I think. It's "prep-something"? Ah! "Preparation"-something, I think. Oh. Ahem. Anyway, if it's any consolation, I hear that Jet Fighter pilots have that problem much worse than most people. All that acceleration, you know. Don't worry -- your secret is safe with me!

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Remember: Unexpressed feelings don't die. They are buried alive and emerge later as Border Collies. So don't hold anything back! Tell everyone what you REALLY think of them! You may lose your job, family and friends, but you won't have a crazed, hyperactive animal hounding your every step.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You'll be feeling tired and discouraged today, but will be able to raise your spirits by pretending to be a cartoon character. ACME products may be featured, as well.

Horoscope 8/5 - APB - 08-05-2004

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Uh oh. Mars is out of alignment, again. Not a good day to hang out with stupid, violent, heavily-armed ex-convicts. Save that for tomorrow.


Not what I was looking for but it will do. Big Grin

Horoscope 8/5 - halfasleep - 08-06-2004

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Avoid yodelling today.


Damn, there goes my career! - Roy Rogers

Horoscope 8/5 - Suicide Jim - 08-06-2004

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Excellent day to devour fruit, while making snarling sounds and glaring at persons nearby. Next, tear the heads off the carnations and stuff them partway up your nose, and make strange wuffling sounds while vigorously wiggling your eyebrows. Or don't, if you're going to be stuffy. It's your life.

well, this'll make dinner time interesting.