Wouldn't It Great if... - Printable Version
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Wouldn't It Great if... - halfasleep - 05-24-2004
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE OLE' TV TONIGHT AND SEE A PRESIDENT (ANY PRESIDENT) OF THE UNITED STATES GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH:
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. Since
congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq
is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces
from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin
the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which
have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict.This is short. The United
Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia and Poland are some of the countries listed
there. The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies
of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during
the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the
future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward
solving the vexing social problems we still have at home
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will
hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
To Isreal and the Palestinian Authority. "Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal
now." Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia
for negotiations. They have some greap palaces there. Big tables too. We will
still stand with Isreal in whatever you work out.
I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from
NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to
sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed tomorrow, so
watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the
finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going
to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing
us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire
corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra
tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep,
border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the
United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty -- starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying 'darn tootin.'
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has
only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you. To the
nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God Bless America!
Thank you and good night
Wouldn't It Great if... - VitaminE - 05-24-2004
Quote:Originally posted by halfasleep@May 24 2004, 05:10 PMWe should do this regardless of the war
It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America.
Wouldn't It Great if... - Velvet - 05-25-2004
That is a great speech half . Pity it couldnt happen .
Wouldn't It Great if... - Jimmy - 05-25-2004
Canada. Can't live with us, can't live without us. You could cut us off no biggie. We'll just steal your sattelite TV signals. Entertainment is the only good thing you got. Then we'll close our borders and drink beer and watch when you start drafting idle teenagers grown fat on welfare. Good luck. :lol:
Wouldn't It Great if... - halfasleep - 05-25-2004
Quote:Originally posted by Jimmy@May 24 2004, 08:17 PMYou could give us better deals on the perscription drugs??? Maybe stop sending us people like William Shatner or John Candy.
Canada. Can't live with us, can't live without us. You could cut us off no biggie. We'll just steal your sattelite TV signals. Entertainment is the only good thing you got. Then we'll close our borders and drink beer and watch when you start drafting idle teenagers grown fat on welfare. Good luck. :lol:
Wouldn't It Great if... - Undeadcannibal - 05-25-2004
For some reason I had an uncontrollable urge to post the word 'twat'. don't know why.