Something to Offend Everyone!!! - Printable Version

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Something to Offend Everyone!!! - halfasleep - 05-10-2004

These jokes insult just about everybody...


Yet another oldie yet oldie...


1. What's the best form of birth control after 50?
* Nudity

2. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
* 45 lbs

3. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
* 45 minutes.

4. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
* None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

5. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
* Through his chest with a sharp knife

6. Why are men and parking spaces alike?
* Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are
disabled.

7. Why do men want to marry virgins?
* They can't stand criticism.

8. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good looking?
* Because those men already have boyfriends.

9. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
* After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

10. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
* The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

11. What do you call a smart blonde?
* A golden retriever.

12. Why does the bride always wear white?
* Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator.

13. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who
has the biggest boobs?
* The blonde, because she's 18

14. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
* Ask your Mom

15. What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
* Say, "Nice Dick."

16. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
* Because they have cotton balls.

17. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
* A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

18. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
* "Are you sure it's mine?"

19. What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
* Beer Nuts are over $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

20. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
* Mace will do that to you.

21. If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what
do you have?
* Divorce proceedings most likely

22. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
* Everyone has the same DNA.

23. Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
* They named him Sum Ting Wong.

24. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other?
* A speech impediment.

25. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half mast?
* They're hiring.

26. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
* Breasts don't have eyes.

27. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
* Because they're not going to work in the future either.

28. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
* He walks around saying "Yo."

29. What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
* A Pimp.

30. Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
* Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

31. What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
* A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
the cage, along with a recipe.

32. How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say Fuck?
* Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo".

33. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
* Row, row, row your boat.

34. What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern
fairy tale?
* A Northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern
fairy tale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."

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Something to Offend Everyone!!! - Velvet - 05-11-2004

They are great Half :lmao:

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Something to Offend Everyone!!! - Undeadcannibal - 08-13-2004

I am not offended, but I love you anyways.

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