Hillbilly Poem - Printable Version

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Hillbilly Poem - greg - 04-21-2004

Susie Lee done fell in love
She planned to marry Joe
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, "Susie gal,
You'll have to find another
I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,
But Joe is yo half brother."

So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, "There's trouble still..."

You can't marry Will, my gal
And please don't tell your mother
But Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother."

But Mama knew and said, "My child
Just do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe
You ain't no kin to Pappy!"

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Hillbilly Poem - Velvet - 04-21-2004

:lmao: thats a beauty

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Hillbilly Poem - halfasleep - 04-21-2004

Very good!! Very Funny... :lmao:


Even though she has had her share of legal problems lately... these rule STILL apply...



MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS


GENERAL
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
them.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change
the sheets.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the
will, it is still
considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral
home.

DINING OUT
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper
cup, and pour
slowly so as not to "bruise"the fruit of the wine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it
with your fingers
covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOUSE
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything
prepared by a
taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter
how good his
manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job
that should be
done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of
good money.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social
no-no, as they tend
to
detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of
finger foods.

DATING (outside the family)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on
the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've
been wanting to go
out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom
wall two years
ago."
Establish with her parents what time she is expected
back. Some will
say
10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is
the answer, it is
the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.


THEATER ETIQUETTE
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked
up immediately
after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen.
Tests have proven
they
can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding
gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you
shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit
with a cummerbund
and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for
this special
occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if
the gun is
loaded,
and the deer is in sight. When approaching a four-way
stop, the vehicle
with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can,
it is impolite to
ask her to bring back beer.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession

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Hillbilly Poem - halfasleep - 04-21-2004

Was this the Valentine sent to Joe to Susie Lee....?

Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those farm ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...

IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!

Yipeeee....Yee Ha!

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