But Cracks Lowered - Printable Version

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But Cracks Lowered - Hambone - 04-16-2004

Ass Cracks Being Surgically Lowered To Accommodate “Extra” Low Riders

BALTIMORE, MD—Young girls are now having their ass cracks lowered to accommodate the “new style” of spring and summer fashion, “Extra Low Riders.” In what is becoming the latest trend among young girls, “Crack Jobs” are now being performed in several major medical institutions across the United States and performed for half the money in Canada and Mexico. Over the past few years research has shown that a trend in young women's pants and shorts has led to lower and lower midriffs exposing more waste and hips.


Last spring pants where reduced to what was thought to be the lowest possible position on young women's wastes often exposing undergarments or ass cracks when engaging in such actions as bending over, sitting down, and kneeling down. The brief exposure of ass cracks was controversial but tolerated by local communities. This year, defying logic, pants and shorts are to be worn even lower on waists as dictated by fashion aficionados like Armani, Versace, and Don King. The trend, as expected, led to over exposure of ass cracks and thongs when engaging in rudimentary actions such as walking or even standing still. The publics reaction was none too kind, and “crack jobs” became the only solution for trendists.

Trend watch expert Tristan Vespuletti explained to reporters that “fashion is like evolution, when it runs into trouble it just adjusts and adapts itself. Fashion never gives up, so simply exploiting a new aspect other then low riders, was not an option.” Vespuletti then added “I just can't wait for this style to hit men's jeans, ass cracks are pointless anyway.”

Major clothing industry companies such as Levi, Old Navy, Gap, and Arizona Jean Co. simply cannot compete with trendy styles that are set by big time designers. These companies too, have introduced “extra” low riders into their stores and they are selling to great avail. It was not until recently that this new miracle surgery became readily available and these clothing stores are doing their best to advertise to purchasers of these products, that “crack jobs” are recommended.

“It's not that I don't like to see a nice young girls crack,” said Old Navy director of marketing and research Jon Callaway, “it's that I can't stop looking, and my wife smacks me.” Old Navy has since put an official John Hopkins University Medical Center logo with a “crack job” logo on every pair of extra low riders they sell. “Also, there are a lot of those…how do you say it…large girls that think they can keep up with trend,” Callaway added. “In the interest of profit and much to my displeasure we do offer clothes that cater to that type and I've made sure that “crack-job” ad was extra big on those items. I do not want to run into a crack like that!”

Dr. Allen Spitz of John Hopkins Medical was responsible for inventing the surgery nearly two months ago. He claims to have had the idea while performing a routine “revitalization” on Suzanne Summers and noticed that she was wearing a pair of “extra” low riding Capri's. “Suzanne bent down revealing a good two inches of her ass crack,” explained Dr. Spitz. “That caused me to temporarily lose concentration and stab myself in the thigh with the botox injection that was intended for Summers. It was at that time that I thought hmm, crack jobs.”

Since the brilliant surgical discovery, hundreds of medical institutions across the US have begun performing “crack jobs” with much success. Many celebrity endorsements for the surgery have already been made, including singer and actor Beyonce Knowles who will appear in a commercial for the surgery later next week. American Idol finalists Camille Velasco, Jasmine Trias, and Leah LaBelle have all had “crack jobs” in preparation for their next performances.

Researches are predicting that one out of every ten girls will have had the surgery done by the time summer hits. The surgery is relatively inexpensive with starting prices of 300,000 dollars and varying depending on how many inches the ass crack is to be lowered. Most the surgeries go off without a flaw and the only drawbacks are that recipients can not sit down for three months following the operation. If you are interested in having a crack job consult your local physician for more information.

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But Cracks Lowered - fuzzynuggetz - 04-16-2004

Hambone, this story cracks me UP!!

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But Cracks Lowered - greg - 04-16-2004

I can't fucking believe it, well I guess I can, but god.................

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But Cracks Lowered - Velvet - 04-17-2004

Im stunned ... I cant believe someone would actually do that just to wear a pair of pants . Whats wrong with these bloody morons .Have they no brains at all . :blink:

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But Cracks Lowered - Suicide Jim - 04-17-2004

why must they mess with the ass. it's such a beatiful part of the female body there ought to be a law against unnessacary butt surgery

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But Cracks Lowered - Jimmy - 04-17-2004

Sorry, I don't buy that. <_<

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