I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story.

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - Printable Version

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I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - ITC - 03-27-2006

I'll hold the contest open till the end of April, to allow those disaffected IT surfers to find this page. The winner will receive a T-shirt and oral sex from Lee (BEW, here is your chance). Be sure to submit your story with a real email address and contact info so that we can send you the prize if we decide your story wins.

RULES:
1. It has to be printable (I'm looking for Porn - I'm looking for funny, embarrassing or otherwise hilarious stories of sex gone wrong.)
2. It has to be about consensual sex - no rape stories please.
3. It has to be original - don't send someone else's story or something you read somewhere on the web.
4. By submitting, you are granting ITC full rights to use the story however we please
5. It is the sole discretion of the Judges to decide the winner.

To start things off, I'll post one of my own...

ITC's Story....

I went through a phase where I was more interested in a guy's intellect than his appearance. (Fortunately, I outgrew that fairly quickly)... Lee and I met when we were dancing one night, as it turned out; we went to the same regatta that summer. He wasnât good looking - Finnish/Swedish blend, and not very attractive. He could dance, but not so well, dressed like a 10 year old, and *seemed* to be reasonably intelligent. I was rather naive - I had only had 30 other serious boyfriends before, so I overlooked the excessive clumsiness, the dirty white running shoes, the always-a-hair-out-of-place coif, and the constantly-having-to-check-himself-out-in-the-mirror thing. (I told you I was STUPID!).

After a few days of dating, we came to a point where we decided to have sex. I wasn't a virgin, so I had SOME idea what sex was like and what I would enjoy. He shared a studio apartment with five other guys, but that day they were gone and we figured this would be the perfect opportunity. To say that the guy was an utter disappointment would be an understatement.

He was so small; he had to HOLD the condom on the entire time (which was about 2 or 3 minutes, I think). Talk about awkward! I could barely feel ANYTHING except his hand getting in the way and the discomfort of it. He fucked like he had read a manual on sex but had never tried it out for real before. It was all technique - tweak here, lick there, thrust that, but no sense of him actually enjoying it. He cranked at my breasts like he was trying to tune in a radio or crack a safe. When we actually had sex he was bouncing around, so much he was practically banging his ass on the ceiling. I asked him several times to slow down, aiming for a nice sensual shag, but no: thrust, bounce, thrust, bounce ad nausea. At one point, the words went through my mind, "And what exactly are you trying to do there?" It certainly didnât work for me. There was no way I was going to cum, and no way I was going to fake it to flatter his ego. I asked him to stop, got dressed, and went home He never went down on me, yet acted like the whole process was too messy for him. He was so ineffective it made my skin crawl.

My naÃ¯ve, mind was actually feeling GUILTY that I wanted to dump the guy because the sex was bad. Ok, it wasn't just bad - it was abysmal.

The last time we had sex we had some foreplay ensued, semi-clumsy as always. I gave him oral sex, which he loved, and much to my surprise, he suddenly decided to try it on me. The first time in our almost 2-year relationship that heâs tried this. (The manâs gag reflexes are so sensitive; he gagged himself brushing his teeth). Needless to say, after a few minutes of him gagging and fumbling all over my female bits, I got him to stop. By then, he was ready to go again for sex. Sadly, it was the usual way, me on top and making him lie still. Thank God, I know how to get myself off.

Uh yeah.he is still around..

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - Flumper Barflusterbutt - 03-27-2006

:lool: x 1,000,000,000. Holy Shit!

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - BIRD33 - 03-27-2006

ITC Wrote:I'll hold the contest open till the end of April, to allow those disaffected IT surfers to find this page. The winner will receive a T-shirt and oral sex from Lee (BEW, here is your chance). Be sure to submit your story with a real email address and contact info so that we can send you the prize if we decide your story wins.

RULES:
1. It has to be printable (I'm looking for Porn - I'm looking for funny, embarrassing or otherwise hilarious stories of sex gone wrong.)
2. It has to be about consensual sex - no rape stories please.
3. It has to be original - don't send someone else's story or something you read somewhere on the web.
4. By submitting, you are granting ITC full rights to use the story however we please
5. It is the sole discretion of the Judges to decide the winner.

To start things off, I'll post one of my own...

ITC's Story....

I went through a phase where I was more interested in a guy's intellect than his appearance. (Fortunately, I outgrew that fairly quickly)... Lee and I met when we were dancing one night, as it turned out; we went to the same regatta that summer. He wasnât good looking - Finnish/Swedish blend, and not very attractive. He could dance, but not so well, dressed like a 10 year old, and *seemed* to be reasonably intelligent. I was rather naive - I had only had 30 other serious boyfriends before, so I overlooked the excessive clumsiness, the dirty white running shoes, the always-a-hair-out-of-place coif, and the constantly-having-to-check-himself-out-in-the-mirror thing. (I told you I was STUPID!).

After a few days of dating, we came to a point where we decided to have sex. I wasn't a virgin, so I had SOME idea what sex was like and what I would enjoy. He shared a studio apartment with five other guys, but that day they were gone and we figured this would be the perfect opportunity. To say that the guy was an utter disappointment would be an understatement.

He was so small; he had to HOLD the condom on the entire time (which was about 2 or 3 minutes, I think). Talk about awkward! I could barely feel ANYTHING except his hand getting in the way and the discomfort of it. He fucked like he had read a manual on sex but had never tried it out for real before. It was all technique - tweak here, lick there, thrust that, but no sense of him actually enjoying it. He cranked at my breasts like he was trying to tune in a radio or crack a safe. When we actually had sex he was bouncing around, so much he was practically banging his ass on the ceiling. I asked him several times to slow down, aiming for a nice sensual shag, but no: thrust, bounce, thrust, bounce ad nausea. At one point, the words went through my mind, "And what exactly are you trying to do there?" It certainly didnât work for me. There was no way I was going to cum, and no way I was going to fake it to flatter his ego. I asked him to stop, got dressed, and went home He never went down on me, yet acted like the whole process was too messy for him. He was so ineffective it made my skin crawl.

My naÃ¯ve, mind was actually feeling GUILTY that I wanted to dump the guy because the sex was bad. Ok, it wasn't just bad - it was abysmal.

The last time we had sex we had some foreplay ensued, semi-clumsy as always. I gave him oral sex, which he loved, and much to my surprise, he suddenly decided to try it on me. The first time in our almost 2-year relationship that heâs tried this. (The manâs gag reflexes are so sensitive; he gagged himself brushing his teeth). Needless to say, after a few minutes of him gagging and fumbling all over my female bits, I got him to stop. By then, he was ready to go again for sex. Sadly, it was the usual way, me on top and making him lie still. Thank God, I know how to get myself off.

Uh yeah.he is still around..

All the sudden she speaks good english?Troll job.

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - cLaY - 03-27-2006

i have never read a single ITC post. same goes for this one.

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - Flumper Barflusterbutt - 03-27-2006

BIRD33 Wrote:All the sudden she speaks good english?Troll job.

Yeah, its an obvious troll job, but pretty damn funny.

I'm gonna guess, UDC.

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - leucetios - 03-27-2006

ITC Wrote:ITC's Story....

It was this one time when I masturbated...

FTFY

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - WoolyGoat - 03-27-2006

ctrl+c, ctrl+v

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - ITC - 03-27-2006

BIRD33 Wrote:All the sudden she speaks good english?Troll job.

I am no Troll!
Refer to your latest discharge of plebeian verbiage; in which, you have proven, once again, that there is no such thing as unutterable nonsense. Rumor has it that you are almost incomprehensible in person (as revealed by your desperate urge to babble nonsensically on message boards.) No doubt, this rumor is true.

Why don't you shrink your head and use it as a paperweight? It's not much use for writing intelligent posts with, that's for sure. You couldn't get a clue during clue mating season in a field of clues if you smeared your body in musk and did the clue mating dance. However, I'll consider letting you have the last word if you guarantee it will be your last.

You are about as entertaining as a child's inflatable punching toy. You bop it, it springs back, you bop it again and you forget it ever existed. It slowly deflates in an unused corner, then one day you throw it away. You are like watching Amputee Field Hockey: pathetic, and very quickly disgusting.
In conclusion, thank you. We were all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. Now get the hell out of here!

I run the largest English-language mag in Sweden

I am American

I could speak several languages fluently at age 20

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - ITC - 03-27-2006

cLaY Wrote:i have never read a single ITC post. same goes for this one.

How sweet! You favored Lee as your leader

Totally understandable and gay! :broken:

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - ITC - 03-27-2006

Flumper Barflusterbutt Wrote:Yeah, its an obvious troll job, but pretty damn funny.

I'm gonna guess, UDC.

Nope! ITC!!!!

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - Banana - 03-27-2006

ITC Wrote:I went through a phase where I was more interested in a guy's intellect than his appearance. (Fortunately, I outgrew that fairly quickly)... Lee and I met when we were dancing one night, as it turned out; we went to the same regatta that summer. He wasnât good looking - Finnish/Swedish blend, and not very attractive. He could dance, but not so well, dressed like a 10 year old, and *seemed* to be reasonably intelligent. I was rather naive - I had only had 30 other serious boyfriends before, so I overlooked the excessive clumsiness, the dirty white running shoes, the always-a-hair-out-of-place coif, and the constantly-having-to-check-himself-out-in-the-mirror thing. (I told you I was STUPID!).

After a few days of dating, we came to a point where we decided to have sex. I wasn't a virgin, so I had SOME idea what sex was like and what I would enjoy. He shared a studio apartment with five other guys, but that day they were gone and we figured this would be the perfect opportunity. To say that the guy was an utter disappointment would be an understatement.

He was so small; he had to HOLD the condom on the entire time (which was about 2 or 3 minutes, I think). Talk about awkward! I could barely feel ANYTHING except his hand getting in the way and the discomfort of it. He fucked like he had read a manual on sex but had never tried it out for real before. It was all technique - tweak here, lick there, thrust that, but no sense of him actually enjoying it. He cranked at my breasts like he was trying to tune in a radio or crack a safe. When we actually had sex he was bouncing around, so much he was practically banging his ass on the ceiling. I asked him several times to slow down, aiming for a nice sensual shag, but no: thrust, bounce, thrust, bounce ad nausea. At one point, the words went through my mind, "And what exactly are you trying to do there?" It certainly didnât work for me. There was no way I was going to cum, and no way I was going to fake it to flatter his ego. I asked him to stop, got dressed, and went home He never went down on me, yet acted like the whole process was too messy for him. He was so ineffective it made my skin crawl.

My naÃ¯ve, mind was actually feeling GUILTY that I wanted to dump the guy because the sex was bad. Ok, it wasn't just bad - it was abysmal.

The last time we had sex we had some foreplay ensued, semi-clumsy as always. I gave him oral sex, which he loved, and much to my surprise, he suddenly decided to try it on me. The first time in our almost 2-year relationship that heâs tried this. (The manâs gag reflexes are so sensitive; he gagged himself brushing his teeth). Needless to say, after a few minutes of him gagging and fumbling all over my female bits, I got him to stop. By then, he was ready to go again for sex. Sadly, it was the usual way, me on top and making him lie still. Thank God, I know how to get myself off.

Uh yeah.he is still around..

Mine is like that....except he was cute, and I have had far less than 30 serious boyfriends. Also, he was just several one night stands, not a boyfriend. Also, he was good in bed. Confused

cratch: I guess his dick was just small. That's the only similarity, but I am too lazy to type it.

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - Blueeyedwoman - 03-27-2006

If Lee is 6'5" I'm guessing he's pretty well hung. The anticipation is killing me.

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - ITC - 03-27-2006

Blueeyedwoman Wrote:If Lee is 6'5" I'm guessing he's pretty well hung. The anticipation is killing me.

Iâm breaking my unwritten rule of ignoring you.

I am an advocate of free speech, but it must be on a topic and somewhat intelligent. I say "somewhat" because I know that is all I will find here. In most cases, I am just stating my opinion and how I view the post or situation.

I don't need another version of marginal person in my life. I think this term melds over everything. Marginal not only in sane/insane but in complacent, mediocre people who aren't more than a shoulder shrug.
I decided that people who never answered the door when truth knocked on it (nay, beat it down) were of no interest to me.
:eek:

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - SanDog - 03-27-2006

Wow. Sounds like ITC done got bitter on Lee. What did he do, beat her?

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - leucetios - 03-27-2006

SanDog Wrote:Wow. Sounds like ITC done got bitter on Lee. What did he do, beat her?

I like your fancy pink coat.

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - Banana - 03-27-2006

I imagined that ITC's worst sex of her life story would go something like this:

ITC: Oh, do you like that baby?
Leeman: Of cause.....don't stop.
ITC: I don't plan to honey, not not, not ever.
Leeman: Hey, *ahem* do you think you would ever consider....maybe...letting someone else in our bedroom?
ITC: mmmmm.....I don't want anyone but you. You are man enough for me.
Leeman: I think you have the wrong idea....I was thinking someone for me.....
ITC: WHO?
Leeman: Blueeyedwoman

**bompchickabowwow** **enter BEW in a black garter and stockings**

BEW: Oh sweetie...you thought I was joking, didn't you? Who's the sexy bitch now? Don't you have some small dicked ugly guy to fuck? Run along now.

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - Blueeyedwoman - 03-27-2006

If you're ignoring me, darlin', you're doing a poor job. :bew:

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - Blueeyedwoman - 03-27-2006

Banana Wrote:I imagined that ITC's worst sex of her life story would go something like this:

ITC: Oh, do you like that baby?
Leeman: Of cause.....don't stop.
ITC: I don't plan to honey, not not, not ever.
Leeman: Hey, *ahem* do you think you would ever consider....maybe...letting someone else in our bedroom?
ITC: mmmmm.....I don't want anyone but you. You are man enough for me.
Leeman: I think you have the wrong idea....I was thinking someone for me.....
ITC: WHO?
Leeman: Blueeyedwoman

**bompchickabowwow** **enter BEW in a black garter and stockings**

BEW: Oh sweetie...you thought I was joking, didn't you? Who's the sexy bitch now? Don't you have some small dicked ugly guy to fuck? Run along now.

:lool:

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - SanDog - 03-27-2006

Banana Wrote:I imagined that ITC's worst sex of her life story would go something like this:

ITC: Oh, do you like that baby?
Leeman: Of cause.....don't stop.
ITC: I don't plan to honey, not not, not ever.
Leeman: Hey, *ahem* do you think you would ever consider....maybe...letting someone else in our bedroom?
ITC: mmmmm.....I don't want anyone but you. You are man enough for me.
Leeman: I think you have the wrong idea....I was thinking someone for me.....
ITC: WHO?
Leeman: Blueeyedwoman

**bompchickabowwow** **enter BEW in a black garter and stockings**

BEW: Oh sweetie...you thought I was joking, didn't you? Who's the sexy bitch now? Don't you have some small dicked ugly guy to fuck? Run along now.

Lee IS the small dicked ugly fuck. Seems to me ITC may have her panties in wad over Lee's lack of commitment.

I am looking for the "worst sex of my life" story. - leucetios - 03-27-2006

Banana Wrote:**bompchickabowwow**

the whole thing was funny... but THAT was $$$$ :"::