new pun contest - Printable Version

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+--- Thread: new pun contest (/showthread.php?tid=16800)

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new pun contest - Sassy - 01-15-2005

SanDog Wrote:The torturer's roof-top workshop caused the innards of several ladies to spill onto his lawn. Next time, he should gutter.

Thanks for the info.If you were him would you do that?

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new pun contest - SanDog - 01-15-2005

The Unic's operating system had been removed.

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new pun contest - SanDog - 01-15-2005

A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be.

Stallone says "I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart"

So the Director says, "Very well, you can be Mozart" Then he turns to Arnie and says "Arnie, who would you like to play ?"

And Arnie says "Ah'll be Bach!"

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new pun contest - snarg - 01-15-2005

And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in
ten did!

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new pun contest - Sassy - 01-15-2005

snarg Wrote:And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in
ten did!

What happened? Ah.Are you serious? Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.

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new pun contest - Undeadcannibal - 01-15-2005

Two guys walk into a bar, one guy ducks, the other say "ow!"

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new pun contest - Devious - 01-15-2005

Cameltoe280 Wrote:i just tried to thieve udc and got jilted. again. i gotta talk to lee about this shit. gettin ridiculous.

Every time you steal you lose rep points. The lower the rep points the harder it is to steal. If the person you are stealing from has ahigher rep, you will be caught.

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new pun contest - Dino - 01-15-2005

thats what you get for bein a thief.

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new pun contest - snarg - 01-15-2005

. Friars behind on their belfry payments opened a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a
rival
florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not. So, the rival florist hired
Hugh
MacTaggart, a thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the
friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Only Hugh, can prevent
florist
friars.

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new pun contest - Undeadcannibal - 01-16-2005

I like the forest friars one! Man, I've never heard any of these. I need more friends...

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new pun contest - snarg - 01-16-2005

maybe the best of the year:

"The only politician in America I know with a mandate is Jim McGreevey." —Democratic strategist James Carville, on the former governor of New Jersey, who announced he was gay


:lool: phoooking phunny

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new pun contest - Devious - 01-16-2005

I just saw a movie about some guy who had amazing revelations while eating his cereal. It was called Breakfast Epiphanies.

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new pun contest - Devious - 01-16-2005

He ate wheat even though he was allergic to it, because he was a gluten for punishment.

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new pun contest - CT280 - 01-17-2005

Devious Wrote:Every time you steal you lose rep points. The lower the rep points the harder it is to steal. If the person you are stealing from has ahigher rep, you will be caught.

i know, dev. my contention is that for what i bring to this board, my rep points should be off the charts. i should never lose a thief attempt. i am that $$$.










:loool:

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new pun contest - Rage - 01-17-2005

Michael Jackson likes 28 year old boys.

(You gotta say it)

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new pun contest - asshat - 01-17-2005

Dr. Frankeinsten is resting when he hears the screeching tires and a very loud noise outside his castle. Minutes later there is a knock at the door. Igor answers the door and a man is holding a woman in his arms. Hello, my name is Bob Hill and my wife Betty has just been hurt badly in a car accident. Igor says, "There is not much we can do. The nearest hospital is hours away. My master is a doctor. I will get him.".

Dr. Frankenstein appears and tells Igor to rush Mr. and Mrs. Hill to his laboratory. He lies them each on a table and begins to work on Betty. He soon realizes that there is no saving her. Within an hour they are both dead. Dr. Frankenstein is anguished. He retires to the conservatory and begins to play his organ. Hauntingly sad music fills the castle.

Igor, still in the laboratory, can hear the music very loudly. Igor notices a few fingers on Betty's hand twitching. Then she begins to sit up. Igor notices that Bob does the same. Unable to contain his excitement, Igor runs toward the conservatory, "Master! Master! The Hill's are alive with the sound of music"

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new pun contest - snarg - 01-19-2005

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."


thanks, ninja, i stole this from jokes, good one

narg:

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